HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KEN HOUSE!

My brother Kenny turns older than dirt today.  Being the noble person that I am, I have always tried to lift him up, to elevate him despite his many shortcomings.  He is actually poorly educated, having gone to a "technical" school (although they called it an "institution") in Massachusetts, unlike myself, who matriculated at the highly esteemed Mahoney Dingfoot School for the Feeble.  In high school he managed to achieve high scores on his SAT tests (whatever they are).  (I couldn't be bothered with such nonsense as I had already aced Advanced Sandbox and Tomfoolery 101.)  Kenny also had a modicum of musical talent and he could sing and play several instruments, although I doubt he could achieve the greatness I did in playing the AM and the FM radio. ( I mastered both, although never at the same time -- switching from one to the other is teally, really hard!)  As much as I love my little brother, I must admit that he has missed out on a number of cultural experiences.  For example, he has never done hard time.  The two of us grew up on a small dairy farm in Massachusetts; he concentrated on doing things called "shores," while I pursued the intellectual delights of animal husbandry until they caught me at it.   And, try as I could, I could never manage to teach him the ancient art of cow tipping.  He has a modicum of talent at writing and (I believe) actually published some sort of technical articles, but the big money in writing of blackmail and ransom notes eluded him -- no matter how often I tried to school him.  He did, however, manage to marry the second-best woman in the world, the charming and gracious Carmen.  (I, of course married the charminger and graciouser sublime Queen of all Women Kitty.)  We both fathered two beautiful and talented girls -- not, I hasten to add, the same two girls.  He has a new and amazingly beautiful granddaughter, while I have five grandkids -- none of whom have ever been incarcerated.

All I all, I guess Kenny is a pretty good guy, despite his many shortcomings when compared to me.  I'm proud to have him as my brother, and I will continue to hesitatingly praise him far into the future without a modicum of jealousy on my part.

Happy birthday, Bro.