Small House of Everything

Small House of Everything

Saturday, January 13, 2024

FUNNY PICTURE STORIES, VOLUME 3 NUMBER 2 (MARCH 1939)

The funny pages and the funny books were not necessarily funny.  Case in pont, this issue.

We start off with "Fury of the Foreign Legion, Episode 3."  Fury, forced to flee his home after being falsely accused of a crime, joins the Foreign Legion.  While the legionaires enjoy a night at the Cafe Banali, a fight between the legionaires and the zouaves breaks out over a dancing girl.  The following day, Fury's company is sent to El Mazzuk to relieve the company there.  El Mazzuk has a deadly repitation for the legionaires.  Halfway to the site, the company is attacked by tribemen.  The commanding officer is killed and  ios adjutant vanishes, only to be found mortally wounded.  The remaining company completes the journey to El Mazzuk with the unconscious officer.  To be continued.

From the desert, we next travel to the waterfront in "Christopher's Coffin."  An incoming tug plows into something as it comes into the harbor.  It's a coffin, complete with corpse.  McDonald of the Waterfront Undercover Force, reads of a punk holding up a gravekeeper for small change.  But why was the punk after small change when he was reportedly wearing diamond rings?  Mac goes over tide and wind charts to determine where the coffin entered the harbor.  This lead them to an abandoned warehouse and the grave of a wealthy man who has been buried with his valuables.  The grave, which was supposedly undisturbed was empty.  A phoney newspeper story is planted to lead the gang to another graveyard robbery.  The gang is captured but the city is on the hook for the cost of a fake funeral.

In "Pursuit," Terry Conaway has just caotured a gang who had attempted to rob the S.S. Queen of India of a shipload of jewels.  Turns out the gang is controlled by international jewel thief von Helsinger.  Terry is determined to capture von Helsinger and travels to his tropical island, onl;y to find that the villai has left for Florida.  [Personal aside:  Could von Helsinger be another Florida Man?]  Trying to reach von Helsinger's sloop, Terry's se plane crashes and he nis taken captive.  Before they can throw Terry to the sharks, he overcomes the baddies and wins the day.

In "Code of the West," Guy Blaine is released from prison and sent to report to the sheriff of Mesa County.  Guy gets a job as a stage coach agent.  Benson, nit realizing that Guy intends to turn over a new leaf, tells Guy to feed him inside information on shipments.  Guy plays along ntil he has a chance to redeem himself.

In "Knickerbocker Knights," adventurer Captain van Dyke, now broke after being cut off by Lord North, his uncle, seeks work.  He is accosted by a swordsman, who then calls for reinforcements.  Soon van Dyke is overpowered and taken to a large ship captained by the dread pirate Teach.  (Bet you thought I was going to say Dread Pirate Roberts, didn't you?)  Teach forces van Dyke to serve as his lieutenant as they sail to attack New Amsterdam.   Van Dyke and a British sailor managed to escape.  Now, they are in the waters of the Atlantic, as Teach sails on to attack New Amsterdam and van Dyke and his companion "strike out lustily for shore -- to new adventures in a primeval forest of a new continent."  To be continued. 

The studio has just given young actress Diana Darling the lead role in "SDtar Dust" in "Kidnapped in Hollywood."  Veteran actress Marge Hall is miffed; she thinks the role should have gone to her. If Diana gies missing the role should go to Marge, so she and her beau Jack Dennis plot to kidnap Diana.  Jack cinvinces a couple of thugs that Diana's father is rich and would pay a healthy ransom for her.  As they race off with their victim, a police car firces them over for speeding.  The bad guys try to run away and one is shot (!!!for speeding!!!  Justice can be brutal in comic books.) and the other is given a knockout punch.    The police nab Marcie and Jack, and Diana receives a million dollars worth of publicity, which can't hurt in Tinsel Town.

Mystery of the Missing Mummy" features Chic Farrell, Operator #38.  Egyptologist Professor Stone is studying a papyrus from the Book of the Dead one evening in his study, surrounded by sarcaphigi and mummies.  A scream awakens his neice and alerts the servants.  The professor is dead -- stabbed in the back at his desk.  The mummy of "Akhton" is missing.   Later that night, a man in a mummy costume uses an ancient power of hypnotism (as revealed in that ancient papyrus) to kidnap the neice and to prevent Bull, Farrell's assistant, from stopping him.  Farrell discovers a secret underground passge to the house next door, arriving in time to stop the villain from tossing the girl and Bull into a huge pit of acid.  The nasty guy, who Farrell shoots, falls into the acid.  It is one of the professor's colleahgues who has been smuggling dope in the bodies of mummies and who after valuable papers locked in the professor's safe.  The writer of this adventure crowds a lengthy explanation into at least 80% of the final panel, crowding Farrell and the girl almost completely out of the page.

In Asgard, the land of the gods, there was a tree containing "The Golden Apples," which gave immortality.  Iduna, a young maiden who was the only person allowed to pick the apples, would give them to the gods, providiong them with eternal life.  Loki, always seeking some sort of mischief, goes to pull a trick on Hymer the Giant, but instead is captured.  Hymer threatens to kill Loki, who -- although being immortal -- has one point on his body which is not affected by immortality.  With Loki's help, Hymer kidnaps Iduna and takes her to his castle.  the gods discover Loki's trickery and forces him to rescue the girl.  The girl escapes on the back of Loki, who has assumed the form of a giant falcon.  But Hymer, now in the form of a giant eagle, gives chase.  Eagle Hymer is about to catch Falcon Loki and Iduna when the might Thor looses an arrow to down the giant.  Now all is well in Asgard.

Then there's an advertisement, listing a gazillion books from Grosset and Dunlop that are availablle for 60 cents each (Sorry, U.S. orders only).  For those of a certain age, the titles are a stroll down memory lane:  series such as The Lone Ranger, The Hardy Boys, Ted Scott, Carl Claudy's Adventure In the Unknown, The X-Bar-X Boys, Jerry Todd, G-Men, Don Sturdy, Nancy Drew, The Dana Girls, Judy Bolton,  Beverly Grey, and miscellaneous Spotlight Books for Boys, L. M. Montgonery and Faith Baldwin Books for Girls, various Well-Known Books and Picture Books.  Ah...memories...Followed by a page of those well-remembered gimmicky ads from our youth -- a genuine portable typewriter for 39 cents, a movie porjector and FIVE films for 98 cents, beautiful blond wigs for 35 cents, a joy buzzer for 28 cents, a "fun" marriage license for 10 cents, a skull and bones ring for 25 cents, a wonderfu x-ray for 10 cents, an extra long jacknife (nine inches long!) for 50 cents, a crystal radio for 25 cents, an electric telephone set for 89 cents the pair, ju-jitso instructions for 30 cents, a live chameleon (watch it change color!) for 25 cents, a repeating sling shot for 25 cents, and so on and so on -- all in a 576-page catalog for only 3 cents!...Those were the days of our gullible youth! 

The stories are crude, ignoring character developement and nuance, while also stretching the boundaries of logic.  The artwork is even cruder, sometimes bearing on the elementary school art class level.  Some pages are in color, some in a red wash, and others in black and white.  But -- all in all -- an interesting look at original comic books in the very early days.

Enjoy.

https://comicbookplus.com/?dlid=61807

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