SHORT STORY WEDNESDAY: THE LOST LIMERICK

 "The Lost Limerick" by Guy Gilpatric (first published in Britannia and Eve, January 1930; then published in America in The Saturday Evening Post, January 4, 1930; reprinted in Argosy  [UK], September 1940; reprinted in Glencannon:  Great Stories from The Saturday Evening Post, 1953)

This was the fourth recorded adventure of Mr. Colin Glencannon, ship's engineer of the S.S. Inchcliffe Castle, and the first to appear in The Saturday Evening Post.  A further sixty-six stories and one novel (in collaboration with Norman Reilly Raine, in which Glencannon met Raine's character Tugboat Annie) followed through 1950-- all but three appearing in SEP.  Glencannon, along with Tugboat Annie and William Hazlett Upton's Alexander Botts, was one of the most popular characters to appear in SEP.

So, who is Glencannon?

"Mr. Colin Glencannon, shjp's engineer of the S.S. Inchcliffe Castle, is blessedly, completely, blissfully, belligerently without redeeming social value.  If, by some horrible mishap, Guy Gilpatric had been a writer of pornography instead of humor, no judge in any court in any hall of justice anywhere between Alcatraz and Zanzibar would have permitted Glencannon to wind up in print.  For he appeals to that strange section of our phrenological chart, the prurient.  We lust after the pure, bellyaching, guffawing laughs Glencannon provides us.  He is a lewd, low, lascivious fellow who cares no more for his reader than he cares for a dry whistle.  Liquor is the guiding principle of his life."

As the Inchcliffe Castle makes her way from Melilla in Spanish Morocco to Algiers, Mr. Glencannon appears bereft, if not desperate.  He had foolishly sent his money back home while in Melilla and is facing three days in Algiers without funds.  Worse, he had even more foolishly not stocked enough liquor to keep him occupied over theose three days.

What to do?  What to do?

A breakfast (his time-honored repast of a heaping quart of porridge, lubricated with a lump of oleomargarine the size of a cricket ball), Glencannon was visibly troubled.  When Captain Ball asked what the problem was, Glencannon offered this story:

"My nairves.  They've been all a-joomp and a-jangle since we cleared Melilla for Algiers.  Yes, captain, since we cleared Melilla.  I just fear that Malilla will envetually be the death o' me.

"Weel, [he continued] it's a seetuation so strange as to be no less than eunuch.  As some of you know, Captain Ball and gentlemen, I've always been a great one for lummericks -- silly vurse of poesy, like, foe instance, the one about a suirtain young man from Bombay who went out a-riding one day, and the coolie who lived in Hong Kong whose job was to hammer a dong.  You know that sort o' thing?...O' course:  Weel, there are liteerally hundreds o' them, a' more or less immoral, but a' o' them verra comiuc -- yes, verra, verra comic indeed!  It's  been a hobby o' mine to collect and meemorize a lummerick for every port in the world; in fact, it's been a matter o' pride that no liviong man, aship or ashore, could stumnop me when it comes to lummericks.  Weel, when I heard about our next port o' call being Melilla, I o' course thought o' the famous lummerick which goes -- weel, the first line goes something about Melilla.  Ye know it?"

And here, Glencannon said that he could not remember the limerick.  Try as hard as he could the rhyme avoided him, although it always seemed on the tip of his tongue.  the captain and others at the table all agreed they were familiar with the famous limerick, but not one of them could recall exactly how it went -- not the officers, not the mess boy, nor the cook.  This bothered the captain, because, as captain, he had the best brain on the ship.  The other officers were also proud of their brains, and were equally frustrated.  Each swore that, with a little bit of thought they would remember the verse.  The captain was willing to bet that he  would remember it soon.  Others were willing take the bet, and soon it escalted to a shipwide poo, with everyone putting in ten percent of their wages, and the one who first remembered the rhyme before they reach Algiers would take the whole pot, which had swollen to sixty-four pounds, nineteen shillings, sixpence.

While everyone was racking their brains to remember a limerick that had never existed, Glencannon went to his room and scoured over his book of collected limericks, eventually finding one that could be adapted to fit Melilla.  Then he took his bagpipes and what little was left of his bottle of Duggen's Dew of Kirkintilloch and went on deck to play four hours of "Cock o' the North" -- which "as all good Caledonians know, is the greatest and grandest music ever composed by mortal man, but, unfortunately, none but the Caledonians are capable of appreciating it"  The  blaring music served to distract all the crew members who were trying to come up with the limerick.

Alas, for Glencannon., he did not count on the ship's radio operator, a young man as larcenous as himself.  The operator had been radioing all ships in the area for the words to a limerick about Melilla and had learned form dozens of sources that of such limerick existed.  He threatened to expose Glencannon's scam to the captain unless he receive a fifty percent share, and Glencannon had  no choice but the accede.

And so Glencannon and the radio operator won the  money.  While ashore in Algiers, the captain happened to meet the world's greatest expert on limericks and learned that he had been gulled:  the winning limerick was actually one about Manilla and had been written by the limerick expert himself many years before.  But it was too late, the money had been spent on liquor and, through a  window, the captain could hear a snake charmer's pipes change its tune to "Cock o' the North."  Looking out, he could see Glencannon, drunk as a lord, with a pile of wounded Arabs heaped all around him, while the wireless operator was selling a tom-tom to American tourists.

John Guy Gilpatric (1896-1950) was an American pilot, flight instructor, journalist, and writer.  He received his pilot's license when he was sixteen; that same year he set the United Stats altitude record.  As a teenager, he became a stunt pilot and a flight instructor.  He was stationed overseas as an engineering officer during World War I.  following the was he worked as a journalist in Paris, returning to America in 1940.  He is credited with popularizing spear-fishing in the 1930s and influenced diving pioneer Jean-Jacques Costeau.  An editor at The Saturday Evening Post, in response to a question, stated that the reason the magazine did not print more stories by Gilpatric was because he just didn't writing them fast enough.  In addition to his Glencannon stories, Gilpatric wrote a  number of aviation stories and tales about Francis X. Olvaney, a crooked Tammany Hall politician.  One of his novels, Action in the North Atlantic, was made into a film starring Humphrey Bogart and was nominated for an academy award.  A television series about Glencannon was produced in 1959, starring Thomas Mitchell.

Gilpatric's life ended in a tragic turn.  His wife Maude was diagnosed with breast cancer in 1950 and the couple made a suicide pact.  Gilpatric shot Maude in the back of the head, then turned the gun on himself.  Although it was never proven, it is now believed that Maude had never had breast cancet, and that the doctor had read the wrong medical chart.

OVERLOOKED OATER: CHEYENNE RIDES AGAIN (1937)

 Tom Tyler (1903-1954) was a popular star of low-budget westerns, appearing in at least fifty films as the star and dozens more as a supporting player.  At one time, the Poverty Row film company Victory Pictures tried to pitch him as a singing cowboy, a la Gene Autry or Tex Ritter, by having him lip-synch several songs -- it did not work.  Tyler was also noted for supporting roles in major pictures,, such as Stagecoach, Drums Along the Mohawk, Gone with the Wind, The Westerner, and The Grapes of Wrath.  He also played the mummy Kharis in The Mummy's Hand, and starred in several serials based on comic book characters in The Adventures of Captain Marvel and The Phantom.  After 1943 leading roles for Tyler dried up, although he he still continued working as a supporting players, eventually transitioning to television, mainly in westerns, until shortly before his death from heart failure.  One of his last roles was as the co-star on an unsold television pilot written and directed by Ed Wood, Jr.

In Cheyenne Rides Again, Tyler plays Tom "Cheyenne Tommy" Wade, a lawman posing as a gang member to expose cattle Thief Girard (Lon Chaney, Jr.).  Wade uses leverage to blackmail Girard into letting undercover lawmen join the gang.  Eventually, the lawmen out number the crooks, and arrest the entire gang -- a plan that could only work in a B western.

Directed by Robert F. Hill (Blake of Scotland Yard, Flash Gordon's Trip to Mars, Tarzan the Fearless).  Hill took a page from Alfred Hitchcock, appearing in cameos in many of his films; in Cheyenne Rides Again he appear as "Bartender Ed."  The script was written by Basil Dickey (The Masked Marvel, Captain America, Son of Zorro).  Also featuring Lucile Brown (The Moonshiner's Daughter, Secrets of Chinatown, The Story of Elias Howe) and Carmen Laroux (Two-Gun Caballero, Starlight Over Texas, Saved by the Belle).

A true Poverty Row oater.

Enjoy,

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BM8qbip16hc

BITS AND PIECES

Openers:  "Wait a minute, now.  You're saying you want us to deal with a pig problem?" Leonard said.

We were sitting in the agency office, just me and Leonard along with an economy-sized woman in a colorful flower-patterned muumuu and house shoes.  She looked as if she might take a bite out of your ear.  She had thick and bright false teeth and in my view wasn't afraid to use them.

"It's a hog.  Sizable.  Keeps attacking the family." the woman said.  "My kids, three of them.  Another one, Sharoline, doesn't live at home, so she's pig-free.  I hardly knew her father.  I was pretty wild once.  Used to drink a lot.  But that's a different story, and you don't want to hear about that."

She paused, perhaps hoping we did want to hear about it, but we offered no encouragement.  I found a fly on Brett's desk to watch.  The  moment passed for her story.  The fly had had its moment as well and flew off.

She said, "All the kids are afraid of Porky.  That's what we named him.  One time, Porky humped my leg like a dog.  I had to let him finish because he wouldn't let go.  He was kind of soothed afterward, so I was able to escape with a wet leg and all of me still intact.  Big as he is, wonder he didn't push me down.  but he's quite agile and can stand on his hind hooves.  He was more of a shoat then.  He put on some weight since that lovesick moment.  I bet that son of a bitch tops lout at four hundred ;pounds.  He still gives me the love eye when he catches me hurrying from the house to the pickup.

"The kids go to catch the school bus or come home on it, they got to run like wild horses to keep Porky from getting to them.  Goddamn bastard ate my daughter's cat, Tulip.  And that cat was sizable and a scrapper.  Seen Tulip whip a good-sized dog once.  But that hog ate old Tulip like she was an ear of corn.  Sometimes, to get the kids on the bus, Baby Darling, my youngest girl, owner of the cat, also the fastest of the kids even though she's short-legged, will put herself out there first and run around the house, old Porky following.  That gives the other kids time to run to the bus, and then Baby Darling will beat it to the bus just before the driver closes the door.  She's a brave little scamp."

Hatchet Girls by Joe R. Lansdale  (2025)

Thus, Hap and Leonard are hired to catch and pen a psychotic 400-pound hog whose meanness stems from a steady diet of meth -- not the easiest job they have ever had.  Before they were finished, one house was wrecked and both were beaten and tired.  But both soldiered on because Hap and Leonard, as usual, refused to give up, not knowing what dangers would stem from this little incident.  Soon they were facing in-bred criminal idiots, an East Texas meth cartel, crooked cops, stupid cops, indifferent cops, and a gang war, as well as the Hatchet Girls, so named because of the weapons of choice they used to torture, disfigure, and dismember there victims before setting them on fire.  And Hap and Leonard are not getting any younger and are facing changes of their own in their lives.  Danger, suspense, excitement, humor, racism, sex, corruption, and good ol' down home stupidity combine with truly evil deeds to make this another great entry kin this series as Hap and his wife Brett and Leonard and his fiance Pookie face off against their most dangerous enemies ever.

Incoming: 

• "Luke Adams" (Bill Crider), Apache Law:  Showdown.  The fourth and final book in this paperback western series about Mitch Frye, the reluctant half-Apache sheriff of Paxton, Arizona.  "Trace Beaumont once saved Mitch Frye from drowning.  Now Trace has shown up in Paxton and wants to renew the friendship.  Trouble is, Trace is now a gunslinger wanted for a string of murders, and Mitch is a lawman.  But Mitch doesn't have a ,lot of time to worry about his old friend -- he's got other things on his  mind.  A ruthless gang that he threw out of town is coming back to tear the place up and get their revenge on Mitch.  And there aren't a whole lot of folks willing to stand by him and help him face the gunmen down.  It looks like Mitch has no choice but to accept Trace's help.  But he'll always be wondering why Trace came to town in the first place.  And whether he 's more likely to be shot by the gang...or by his friend"
• Kevin J. Anderson, editor, Star Wars:  Tales from the Mos Eisley Cantina.  From 1995, the first Star Wars tie-in anthology, with sixteen original stories; authors include Anderson, Kathy Tiers, Timothy Zahn, Jerry Oltion, and Judith & Garfield Reeves-Stevens.
• Piers Anthony, With a Tangled Skein.  Fantasy, Book Three of the Incarnations of Immortality series.  "When the man Niobe loved was shot, she learned that she had been the target, in a devious plot of the Devil's.  Hoping for revenge, Niobe accepted a position as one of the three Aspects of Fate, only to find that Satan's plots were tangled into the very Tapestry of Fate.  Now the Evil One was laying a trap to ruin Niobe's granddaughter  Lura, who threatened his plans -- and he had tricked her son into Hell."
• Andrea Camilleri, Excursion to Tindari.  An Inspector Montalbano mystery.   "A young Don Juan is found murdered in front of his apartment building early one morning, an9=d an elderly couple are reported missing after an excursion to the ancient site of Tindari --  two seemingly unrelated cases for Inspector Montalbano to solve amid the daily complications of life at Vigata police headquarters.  But when Montalbano discovers that the couple and the murdered yon=g man lived in the same building, his investigation stumbles into Sicily's brutal "New Mafia", which leads him down a path more evil and more far-reaching than any he has been down before." 
• John Dickson Carr, The Unexpected Instinct.  The final collection of fourteen early stories by Carr, dating from 1921 to 1935, many long forgotten and never reprinted.  Also included is  a newly discovered Sherlock Holmes pastiche, a playlet written for the 1950 Mystery Writers of America awards ceremony by never performed.  The stories include mystery, historical adventure, fantasy, and satirical tales.  A  must for any serious John Dickson Carr fan.
• Nikki Erlick, The Poppy Fields.  Speculative fiction.  "Welcome to the Poppy Fields, where there's hope for even the  most battered hearts to heal.  Here, in a remote stretch of the California desert, lies an experimental and controversial treatment center that allows those suffering from the heartache of loss to sleep through their pain...and keep on sleeping.  After patients awaken from this prolonged state of slumber, they will finally be healed. But only if they are willing to accept the shadowy side effects."  Not my typical cup of tea but it is this month's pick for Erin's Family Book Club, so we'll see.
• John Farris, Sharp Practice.  Thriller.  A psychopathic killer stalks and terrorizes Annie Ramsdell, who is haunted by a man she cannot remember but cannot forget.  Considered a classic of the genre.
• Alan Dean Foster, The Spoils of War.  Science fiction, Book Three of THE DAMNED.  "After millennia of relentless war, the union of alien races called the Weave was on the verge of winning a decisive victory -- thanks to their new allies from Earth, who in a mere handful of centuries had proved masters of combat.  But then the birdlike Wais scholar Lalelelang  found disturbing evidence that humans might not adapt so easily to peace -- that natural human aggression would next be turned against the Weave, unless they were once again confined to fight among themselves.  When her field research revealed the existence of a secret group of powerfully telepathic Humans called the Core, it looked as if Lalelelang would be the first victim in a n=ew war between Humans and  their allies.  But just as her fate was sealed, a lone Core commander took a chance on her intelligence and compassion, gambling the fate of Humanity on the possibility that together, they could find an alternative to a galaxy-wide holocaust."
• Raymond Z. Gallun, The Best of Raymond Z. Gallun.  Science fiction collection with thirteen stories.  Gallun was a popular early science fiction writer who published  most of his 120 stories between 1929 and 1942, including recognized classics as "Old Faithful" and "Davey Jones' Ambassador."  His writing was rough, but his plots were fast-moving and his stories were often full of original ideas.  Gallun is essential reading for anyone wishing to get a good view of science fiction at that time.
• Guy Gilpatrick, Glencannon:  Great Stories from The Saturday Evening Post.  Collection of 21 humorous stories about the irascible Scottish ship's engineer who sailed through more than seventy stories, 1929 -1947 -- all but six of which appeared in SEP.  Glencannon stands alongside Tugboat Annie, Alexander Botts, and other characters who made SEP required reading for much of the Twentieth century.
• Martin H. Greenberg, Carol-Lynn Rossel Waugh, & Jon Lellenberg, editors, The New Adventures of Sherlock Holmes (expanded edition).  Eighteen new Sherlockian tales of detection, suspense, and fantasy.  Authors include Anne Perry Stephen King, Edward D. Hoch, Peter Lovesey, Michael Gilbert, Lillian de la Torre, Dorothy B. Hughes, John Lutz, and Bill Crider.   Come. Watson, the game's afoot!
• Carl Hiaasen & Bill Montalbano, Trap Line.  Thriller.  Before he went solo, Hiaasen wrote three novels with fellow reporter Montalbano (no relation to the Camilliri character above).  "With its dozens of outlying islands and the native Conchs' historically low regard for the law, Key West is a smuggler's paradise.  All that's needed are the captains to run the contraband=.   Breeze Albury is one of the best fishing captains on the Rock, and he's in no mood to become the Machine's delivery boy.  So the Machine sets out to persuade him.  It starts out by taking away Albury's livelihood,  Then it robs him of his freedom.  But when the Machine threatens Albury's son, the washed-out wharf rat turns into a raging, sea-going vigilante."    Drug lords,  crooked cops, and homicidal marine lowlifes, oh my.
• Stephen Graham Jones, The Long Trial of Nolan Dugatti.  Horror novella.  "If drinking mercury from a thermometer didn't kill him, maybe spray  painting in an unventilated garage would.  Or so Nolan's father thought.  One inspired yet failed suicide attempt after another, each with a note to his son -- with only a hint of accusation.  But as Nolan sits in an empty office building, the last customer service employee for a nearly obsolete video game, those many suicide notes come back to haunt him.  As do the levels of the game that no one plays anymore.  And now a homicide detective is on the phone.  Maybe his father was right when he wrote that he was teaching Nolan  not to give up.  But there's no cheatcode that's going to get Nolan through this."  Also, Night of the Mannequins.  Horror novella.  "One last laugh for the summer as it winds down.  One last prank just to scare a friend.  Bringing a mannequin into a theater is just some harmless fun, right?  Until it wakes up.  Until it starts killing.  Luckily, Sawyer has a plan.  He'll be a hero.  He'll save everyone to the best of his ability.  He'll kill as many people as he needs to so he can save the day.  That's the thing about heroes -- sometimes you have to become a monster first."  Also, Zombie Bake-Off.  Horror  novel.  "There's not much rumbling during the Recipe Days show at the Lubbock Municipal Coliseum -- except for stomachs that is -- until the professional wrestlers arrive early for their Saturday night matches.  Chaos ensues when the home cooks are overrun by Xombie, the Hillbillies, and Jersey Devil Jill.  They're not everyone's idea of family fun...especially when the rowdy wrestlers descend on the free donuts brought for the security tram -- and are turned into brain-eating zombies.  The night's main event starts early with undead wrestlers squaring off against kitchen divas and soccer moms.  And as the contagion spreads, the few survivors armed with  mixers, booth poles, and a Zamboni, must fight to keep their heads on straight -- and off the menu."  Jones, a true original, is one of the brightest stars on today's horror scene.  But somehow I have always had trouble getting into his novels, but once I am in there, the ride is exhilarating.
• Stephen King. Hansel and Gretel.  Children's book.  The fairy tale retold and presented with paintings by Maurice Sendak originally created for the Humperdinck opera of the story.
• Emily St. John Mandel, Station Eleven.  The Arthur C. Clarke award-winning novel and the basis for the 2021 HBO miniseries; the book was also nominated for the National  Book Award, the PEN/Faulkner Award, and the Bailey's Women's Prize for fiction.  "Kirsten Raymonde will never forget the night Arthur Leander, the famous Hollywood actor, had a heart attack onstage during a production of King Lear.  That was also the night when a devastating flu pandemic arrived in the city, and within weeks, civilization as we know it came to an end.  Twenty years later, Kirsten moves between the settlements of the altered world with a small troupe of actors and musicians.  They call themselves the Traveling Symphony, and they have dedicated themselves to keeping the remnants of art and humanity alive.  But when they arrive in St. Deborah by the Water, They encounter a violent prophet who will threaten the tiny band's existence.  And as the story takes off, moving back and forth in time, and vividly depicting life before and after the pandemic, the strange twist of fate that connects them all will be revealed."
• Silvia Moreno-Garcia, Velvet Was the Night.  Historical noir.  "Mexico in the 1970s is a dangerous country, even for Maite, a secretary who spends her life seeking the romance found in cheap comic books and ignoring the activists protesting around the city.  When her next-door neighbor, the beautiful student Leonora, disappears under suspicious circumstances, Maite finds herself searching for the missing woman -- and journeying deeper into Leonora's secret life of student radicals and dissidents.  Mexico in the 1970s is a politically fraught land, even for Elvis, a goon with a passion for rock 'n' roll who knows more about kidney-smashing than intrigue.  When Elvis is assigned to find Leonora, he begins a blood-soaked search for the woman -- and his soul.  Swirling in parallel trajectories, Maite and Elvis attempt to discover the truth behind Leonora's disappearance, encountering hitman, government agents, and Russian spies.  Because Mexico in the 1970s is a noir, where life is cheap and the price of truth is high."  Moren-Garcia is one of the best writers working today.
• Will Murray, Secret Agent X vs. Dr. Death.  Original pulp superhero adventure novel.  "UP FROM THE GRAVE!  The world believed Doctor Death deceased.  The clinically insane super-scientist and occultist determined to throw civilization back into the Dark Ages would trouble mankind no more.  Yet when the disbanded Secret Twelve, originally organized to defeat Death, started succumbing to violent, malevolent forces not of this world, authorities suspected that the former Professor Rance Mandarin still lived.  And schemed.  Rising to meet the5 challenge was the Man of a Thousand Faces, known yet unknown as Secret Agent X.  But the man of mystery had never before faced a foe possessing supernatural powers.  Could X alone defeat the past master of zombies, elementals, and even more dire creatures?  Or must he seek out allies as mysterious as he?"  Of course he must.  Murray brings alone other pulp heroes such as the Moon Man, the Griffin, and the Cobra for the ride.  Great fun!
• Andre Norton, Exiles of the Stars.  Science fiction, the second book in the Moon Singer sequence, and a sequel to Moon of Three Rings.  The Free Trader starship Lydis is making a rub to the planet Thoth, carrying incense for the great temples of Kartum, when a civil war lands her in a battle of ancient powers and nameless evil, with a Forerunner treasure at its heart.  The crew seems normal until you look closely at two of its members:  Krip Vorlund, a man who walks kin a body not his own, and his pet, a four-legged beast hiding the mind of Maslen the Moon Singer, a woman whose esper powers can save them all -- or bring them to eternal destruction." Also,  Mirror of Destiny.  Fantasy, part of the Five Senses sequence.  "The King's lottery has determined that Twilla, young orphaned apprentice of a renowned wisewoman, must marry --  but only the wedded can survive the terrible fate awaiting those who penetrate the primeval forest.  Altered  by a talisman of great power, she escapes her unwanted lot -- joining a commander's tragically blinded son on a remarkable journey from peril to peril.  For they are the chosen who must rescue the vanquished of an ancient war of magicks...and shape the destiny of a bloody, disputed land."
• Joyce Carol Oates, Double Trouble.  the latest from Hard Case Crime: a collection of two novels (Star-Bright Will Be with You Soon and Soul Mate) plus two short stories -- all originally published as by "Rosamond Smith."  A companion volume is slated to appear later this year.
• Terry Pratchett, Nation.  A juvenile science fiction novel.  "When a giant wave destroys his village, Mau is the only one left.  Daphne -- a traveler from the other side of the globe -- is the sole survivor of a shipwreck.  Separated by language and customs, the two are united  by catastrophe.  Slowly, they are joined together by other refugees.  And as they struggle to protect the small band, Mau and Daphne defy ancestral spirits, challenge death himself, and uncover a long hidden secret that literally turns the world upside down."
• Robert J. Randisi, Cold Blooded.  A Dennis McQueen mystery.  "NYPD Detective Sergeant Dennis McQueen has his hands full with a very bizarre case.  A series of dead bodies has been found, all frozen -- killed  by various methods, but disposed of in the same manner.  Just a coincidence, or is there a serial killer at work?  Thing8s heat up when McQueen is sent to investigate a body found in the rubble of a fire and meets FDNY Fire Marshal Mason Willis.  Willis is investigating it as an arson, but the medical examiner's report makes it obvious that this is a case for McQueen  McQueen and Willis have no choice but to work together.  Will even the combined efforts of the NYPD and the FDNY be able to stop the killer...or killers?"
• Alistair Reynolds, Pushing Ice.  Science fiction.  "2057.  Bella Lind and the crew of her nuclear-powered ship, the Rockhopper, push ice.  They  mine comets.  But when Janus, one of Saturn='s ice moons, inexplicably leaves its natural orbit and heads out of the solar system at high speed, Bella is ordered to shadow it for the few vital days before it falls forever out of reach.  In accepting this mission, she sets her ship and her crew on a collision course with destiny -- for Janus has many surprises in store, and not all of them are welcome..."
• "J. D. Robb" (Nora Roberts), Glory in Death.  The second book in the bestselling near-future Eve Dallas mystery-romance series, which now totals 62 novels and 11  novellas.  "The first victim was found lying on the sidewalk in the rain.  The second was murdered in her own apartment building.  Police Lieutenant /Eve Dallas had no problem finding connections between the two crimes.  Both victims were beautiful and highly successful women.  Their glamorous lives and loves were the talk of the city.  And their intimate relations with men of great power and wealth provided Eve with aa long list of suspects including her own lover, Rourke.  As a woman, Ever was compelled to trust the man who shared her bed.  But as a cop, it was her job to follow every lead...to investigate every scandalous rumnor...to explore every secret passion, no matter how dark.  Or how dangerous." People whose judgment I respect love these books.  I have read the first book in the series and thought it was okay but no great shakes.  I have a number of others buried on Mount TBR, so I'll read a few more and see if I catch the fever.
• Tom Robbins, Wild Ducks Flying Backward:  The Short Writings of Tom Robbins.  A collection of articles, essays, observations, poems, lyrics, stories,  critiques, and whathaveyou from the best-selling cult novelist who passed away last year at 92.  He should have lived forever.
• John Scalzi, Fuzzy Nation.  Science fiction, a reimagination of H. Beam Piper's 1962 novel Little Fuzzy, the first of three novels about the popular golden-furred aliens.  There have also been five other novels by other writers about the Fuzzies, mainly* sequels or novels set in the same universe.  Scalzi's novel should be considered a "reboot," taking the general storyline and plot elements of the original book, and "adding new elements, characters, and events."  Because Scalzi is Scalzi, I'm sure Piper's many fans have forgiven him and, most likely, approve.
• Mary Stewart, Three Novels of Suspense.  Omnibus volume containing the romantic suspense novels:  Madam, Will You Talk?, Nine Coaches Waiting, and My Brother Michael.  Stewart was one of the authors who popularized this genre and all three books are considered classics.  There was a time when you could not toss a cat at a paperback spinner rack and not hit a Mary Stewart  novel.
• Jason Starr, Gotham:  City of Monsters.  Original tie-in novel of the television series set in the Batman universe.  "Having escaped Arkham Asylum, Hugo Strange's monsters stalk the streets, spreading chaos, fear, and death.  Herself a victim of the madman's experiment, Fish Mooney seeks to retake her place at the top of the underworld.  Street thief Selena Kyle covets a place at her side.  Overwhelmed by this crisis, the city offers to pay a bounty for the creatures -- dead or alive.  Though no longer a cop, [James] Gordon nevertheless proves to be the most skilled at bringing these superhumans to justice, some in body bags.  Yet even he may not be able to stop the most bloodthirsty of the monsters."

Infamous:  Today marks the 137th birthday of Adolph Hitler, failed artist and human being.  Born in Braunau am Inn, Austria-Hungary, he was an early German nationalist and avowed racist.  It's hard to imagine a person rising from such beginnings to become a national leader, much less one responsoible for the deaths of millions, but hatred has no bounds.

Here's a song from Glenn Miller and His Orchestra, with vocals by Tex Beneke and The Modernaires, written  by Irving Berlin in 1941, dedicated to the Fuhrer.  Any application to our present situation is purely coincidental.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4IUesQQKKQ

Two years later, America's secret weapon was revealed -- a certain member of the family Anatidae with a speech impediment.  Hitler did not stand a chance.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I7vb89c6pQY

420:  Today is also 420 (pronounced four-twenty), a counterculture celebration of cannabis consumption, especially smoking around 4:20 PM.  In U.S. notation, April 20 is marked 4/20.

Sadly (or not so sadly), I am quite un-hip (is that still a phrase?)  I have never smoked marijuana, or eaten an Alice B. Toklas cookie, or even a gummy.  I have also never used drugs or psychedelics.  I am a very boring person -- happy, but boring.  So I am not one to discuss the drug culture in any way.

To kick things off, here's a 1930s anti-marijuana clip, complete with hep cats and jive dancing, explaining that marijuana use will lead to murder, rape, dead teenagers, and sexual experimentation.  Gasp!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b6NzN_u4Rnw&list=PL_T1X5PCI5Bp0Koar1kKT_JsC9IX6auXT&index=11

And, from 1933, here's a classic marijuana exploitation film, starring no one you have ever heard of because, I assume, they all ruined their lives with weed.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cxFKziRdvto&list=PL_T1X5PCI5Bp0Koar1kKT_JsC9IX6auXT&index=10

And Gertrude Michael singing "Marihuana" (1934).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EzKqI8Lw_fY&list=PL_T1X5PCI5Bp0Koar1kKT_JsC9IX6auXT&index=6

And a PDF of Cornell Woolrich's After-Dinner Story, a collection of six tales, including the classic "Marahuana" (first published in Detective Fiction Weekly, May3, 1941, and sometimes reprinted as  by "William Irish").

https://www.fadedpage.com/books/20200949/html.php

I Think This Is a Joke:  Auto-correct walks into a bar, and the batman says, "Why the log fence"

All  Aboard:  From 1917, with Harold Lloyd, Bebe Daniels, and Snub Pollard.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a6QxKDBwBcA

Oy Como Va:   Tito Puente, the flamboyant master of Latin jazz, with one of his signature hits.  It is impossible to listen to this and not be happy.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZQh4IL7unM

Florida Man (Politics Edition):  Kevin Cichowski of Palm Coast, who is running for governor of Florida, has been arrested for battering two elderly people inside a home during what appeared to be a domestic dispute.  Cichowski hit one victim with a cane and threw a cell phone at another, and allegedly had a gun, according to police.  One of the victims was bedridden.  According to one victim, Cichowski had threatened to kill the two multiple times and said he would kill law enforcement if they interfered.  While taken to a detention facility, Cichowski mad a suicidal statement and was then place in protective custody under the Baker Act.  He was previously arrested in 2024 for domestic battery, domestic battery by strangulation, and false imprisonment.

The political hopeful had previously run for Palm Coast mayor in 2021.

There is no word on whether this arrest will affect his current campaign, but this is Florida, so who knows?

Good News:

• Chicago has turned all public school IDs into library cards        https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/chicago-turns-all-public-school-ids-into-library-cards-to-boost-student-access/
• Four groups work together in a massive effort to save a beached whale     https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/group-works-together-to-save-humpback-whale-after-it-became-stranded-on-australian-sandbar/
• Restaurant owners scrap Easter plans to honor a dying man's last wish https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/restaurant-owner-shelves-easter-plans-to-fulfill-dying-mans-last-wish-to-feed-his-hospice-nurses/
• Alaska court ruling saves America's largest rain forest from logging        https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/americas-largest-rainforest-safe-from-logging-thanks-to-alaska-court-ruling/
• Young girl saves brothers from burning home       https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/12-yo-girl-called-a-hero-for-running-into-burning-home-to-save-brothers/
• Applebee's worker shelters fifty people from on-rushing tornado https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/applebees-manager-praised-for-life-saving-organization-as-tornado-barreled-towards-them/
• And, because we all need a bit of joy, this aquarium seal loves his rubber duckie https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/aquarium-shares-video-of-harbor-seal-playing-with-his-rubber-duckie/

HYMN TIME

The King's Blues Club, with their take on Psalm 91.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SUiyYZ_2Rpc

THE SPIRIT #1 (APRIL 1952)

The Spirit is private investigator Denny Colt, created by comics legend Will Eisner, and first appeared in as a feature (dubbed "The Spirit Section") in a tabloid-sized newspaper insert distributed by the Register and Tribune Syndicate newspapers on June 2, 1940.  The original comic strip lasted until 1952.  Since then, new and reprinted adventures of the character have appeared from at least nine different publishers.  In addition to various comic strips, The Spirit on television and in film; both a planned animated film and a radio program never materialized.  In  2011, the media website IGN ranked The Spirit as 21st of the Top 100 Comic book Heroes of all time.

While trying to apprehend the mad scientist Dr. Cobra, Denny Colt falls into a state of suspended animation and is pronounced dead.  Colt wakes up after being interred in Wildwood Cemetery and begins his career as a crime-fighter with the blessing of Police Commission Dolan.  Having been declared dead, Colt uses his anonymity to create The Spirit, and establishes his headquarters underneath his own tombstone.  He has no supernatural powers but he is an expert at hand-to-hand combat and has peak mental and physical powers.  His costume -- such as it is -- is a business suit and fedora with a blue domino mask and blue leather gloves.  Although he meets many beautiful women in his adventures, his main love interest is Commissioner Dolan's daughter, Ellen.  His assistant is a  small Black cabdriver named Ebony White, depicted in a cartoonish stereotypical manner.  (Ebony is an off-putting character for many, but was surprising popular with Black readers -- despite his physical appearance,  he was resourceful and respected by all, and came across as "a combination of Tom Sawyer and Penrod, with a touch of Horatio Alger hero, and color didn't really come into it."

The Spirit was innovative in both concept and execution and has been a major influence on the industry.  Even after Eisner had ceased most of his work on the comic,  The Spirit retained his unique artistic style and use of color, lettering, and background.  Later writers for the comic included Jules Feiffer, Jack Cole, Manly Wade Wellman, William Woolfolk, and Klaus Nordling.  Later artists included Lou fine, Jack Cole, Jerry Grandenetti, Wally Wood, Dave Berg, Jules Feiffer, and James Dixon.

One of The Sprit comic book incarnations came from Fiction House, which published five issues of reprint adventures in 1952-3.  Their first volume included:

• "The Case of the Counterfeit Killer"  A man claiming to be Denny Colt suddenly appears in Central City, demanding the remains of his family inheritance.  There is no way to prove that he is not the original Colt.  Then the imposter turns up dead and Commissioner Dolan is arrested for embezzling the proceeds of the Colt estate.  This one was scripted by Jules Feiffer and drawn by James Dixon.
• "The Curse of Claymore Castle"  The Spirit journeys to Scotland Yard on the trail of an international swindler and enters Claymore Castle on the isolated Scottish moors, where he encounters an abandoned bride, a *vanished ape, and "the jewels of destiny."  Written by Klaus Nordling and again drawn by James Dixon.
• "The Plot of the Perfect Crime:"  For his entire life, young Marvin had been accused of things he did not do.  He grew up bitter and hard and had only one desire -- to actually commit the perfect crime and never be blamed for it!  Marvin actually kills a man and gets away with it but he is -- caught, convicted, and executed for a crime he did not commit -- killing two men.  Written by Feiffer and drawn by Dixon.
• And, "Panic on Pier Eight"  A  big North City mob is moving in on the waterfront.  One of The Spirit's agents is killed, with a mysterious note in his pocket signed "The Ancient Mariner."  The Spirit heads to the waterfront just as a violent mob instigates a dock war.  To stop the war and to capture the ringleaders, The Spirit has to solve  maritime riddle.  Written  by Nordling and drawn by Dixon.

Enjoy.

https://comicbookplus.com/?dlid=24494

FORGOTTEN BOOK: SURVIVAL ZERO!

Survival Zero! by Mickey Spillane (1970)

"They had left him for dead in the middle of a pool of blood in his own bedroom, his  belly slit open like gaping barn doors, the hilt of the knife wedged against his sternum.  But the only trouble was that he had stayed alive somehow, his life pumping out, managing to knock the telephone off the little table and dial me.  Now he was looking up at me with seconds left and all he could do was form out the words, 'Mike...there wasn't no reason.' "

The dead man was Lippy Sullivan, a hard-luck character who had gone to school with Mike Hammer before he dropped out in the ninth grade.  He had Hammer had met up again when they bother served in the Army, then Lippy went back to his anonymous life in New York City.  Hammer had gotten him a job two year ago checking our groceries in a wholesale warehouse.  That was the last time Hammer had heard from Lippy...until the phone call.  It was strange because Lippy had to have memorized Hammer's phone number, and Hammer had changed the number more than a year ago, so Lippy had had to have gotten Hammer's new phone number at some time and memorized it.  Why?

Lippy had lived in a fleabag rooming house and had nothing worth stealing, yet his room had been professionally tossed.  Again why?  In Lippy's dying words, "There was no reason."

The police are willing to go through the motions, but just barely.  They are too busy with other, more important, cases, such as the gangland slaying of a major mobster and the unidentified man found mysteriously dead on the subway.   The government is keeping it quiet, but the unidentified man has died from a new and virulent pathogen, engineering and smuggled into America fifteen years before by the Stalin regime and held in abeyance until the time was right; the pathogen had the potential of destroying the entire country.  Because the plot was Stalin's and because all records of it had long been erased, the current Russian government is working desperately and secretly with Washington to stop it.  All anyone knows is that the virus will probably be released within two weeks.  In order to avoid widespread ;panic, officials are working to prevent news of the plot being released.

Meanwhile, Hammer discovers evidence that Lippy might have been a pickpocket.  Wallets of very ;prominent people, emptied of cash, have been found in the trash near Lippy's  apartment.  This lead Hammer to a powerful mob boss, a sexy actress, a wealthy business mogul and his oversexed assistant, and eventually, to the Russian plot.  Beautiful women thrown themselves at him, and killers try to kill him, but he's Mike Hammer, confident in his arrogance, able to withstand threats, as well as the passions of sexy women, without damaging his sense of masculinity.  

The end, of course, is violent, with only Hammer standing alive.

A male fantasy, where what needs to be done is done and the hell with all the rules in an ultimate libertarian world populated with the likes of James Bond, Jack Reacher, Parker, Quarry, endless action-adventure heroes a la The Executioner, and all the other literary characters who will stop at nothing to achieve their goals.  This is the world where many of us fantasize about, where the bad guys get their due.  Where you have a secret button on your car that will fire a rocket ad the jackass who must cut you off.  Where your co-worker, who is trying to stab you ion the back, gets his comeuppance.  Where the woman who would not give you the time of day suddenly sees your intrinsic worth.  Where all of your fantasies play out and you become the hero of all your stories.  Where success is yours must because you are you.  Sometimes I think it is in this fantasy world where the ultra-right wing currently resides.  It's a nice, comforting, place to live for a while,  but ultimately, you have to go back to the real world.

Spillane was a deceptive writer.  Because of the male fantasyland he created, many people tend to overlook his talent and pure narrative power.  But there is a reason why he was one of the most successful authors of his era.  Survival Zero! was the eleventh published book in the Mike Hammer saga.  After this, Spillane retired Hammer for 19 years before returning with 1989's The Killing Man.  during that interim, and throughout his writing career, Spillane continued experimenting with the character, writing partial manuscripts and notes, which were completed and edited with Spillane's permission by his good friend Max Allan Collins to provide fifteen additional novels, a graphic novel, and numerous short stories.

Any story about Mike Hammer, whether by Spillane alone or in collaboration, is highly recommended by this fanboy.

SUSPENSE: THE HANDS OF MR. OTTERMOLE (DECEMBER 2, 1948)

Gas-lit, fog-enshrouded London is in the grip of terror due to a series of brutal, random murders.  A relentless police inspector is obsessed with unmasking the predator.  The tale has a twisted and powerful ending.

Scripted by respected mystery writer Kendall Foster Crossen and based on Thomas Burke's 1929 short story, this version features Claude Rains and Vincent Price, with Lou Krugman, Ben Wright, Raymond Lawrence, Alec Harford, and Paul Frees.

In 1949, a panel of mystery critics selected "The Hands of Mr. Ottermole" (The Story-Teller, February 1929) as the best mystery story of all time;  thirty-five years later, the Mystery Writers of America named it one of the four best suspense and mystery tales.  The FictionMags Index indicates the story has been reprinted at least 38 times since its original publication.  The story has also been televised several times, most notably on Alfred Hitchcock Presents, featuring Theodore Bikel and Rhys Williams.

Thomas Burke (1886-1945) was a British author best known for his stories about the poverty-stricken Limehouse District of London, collected in such books as Limehouse Nights, Twinkletoes:  A Tale of Limehouse, Whispering Windows:  Tales of the Waterside (also published as  More Limehouse Nights, East of Mansion House, The Pleasantries of Old Quong (also published as A Tea-Shop in Limehouse), and Night Pieces:  Eighteen Tales.  He also published nearly two dozen works of non-fiction, many of them about London and its environments.  In contrast to many of the tales of orientals and the "yellow peril" popular at the time, Burke showed a particular respect for his subjects.  The Limehouse of Burke's time -- with its crime, sex, and violence, is long gone, but can be relived through his stories.  Time has also blunted the effect of "The Hands of Mr. Ottermole," but it still remains a chilling and effective tale.

Enjoy this classic tale.

https://archive.org/details/TSP481202