'Triassic Moon" by (**cough** cough**wink**wink**) Michael Crichton and shahnewaz [no caps on the first name, this time] Bhulyan and (perhaps) Michael Chrichton (no date)
I read so you don't hve to. And for that you owe me, big time. And maybe a parade -- not that namby-pamby, boring Trump Birthday Parade, either; more like something on the scale of a Macy's Thanksgiving parade on steroids, with more and bigger balloons and more and better bands, and hosted by an adoring Tsylor Swift, Ariana Grande, and Malala Youfsazi...yeah, something like that. Or maybe with a medal, a big impressive medal. Not the Congressional Medal of Honor because I have never been in the service. And not the Presidential Medal of Freedom (supposedly the highest honor given to a civilian) because the meaning of that medal has been tarnished and debased by recipents chosen by George W. Bush and Donald Trump. But some sort of nifty, impressive medal I can show off when I'm at the neighborhood bar. Or, maybe, just send money. Whatever. But, by God, you owe me for having read this abortion instead of you.
About the background: I found this thing on Amazon. It's a book (ha!) with 85 pages, claiming to be for readers age 3-17 -- a range I find rather suspicious. The cover proclaims the author as Michael Crichton. The Amazon description lists the authors as Michael Crichton, Michael Chrichton, and shahnewan Bhulyan. Amazon also lists Bhulyan as the author of such items as Sprc ops. little Mr.spider [sic], Triassic Planet, bio-morphers: bio-morphers, Lizards, Jared, and The Lost World -- all for $2.99 on Kindle, and all of which appear to be self-published. (Forgive me if I suspect several of this is the same damned story as "Triassic Moon.") But, there's more. Amazon lists another Triassic Moon -- but this time by "Michael Cole" (although it's "Look at the Author " feature references Bhulyan); this one is aimed at readers 8-17 and has only 15 pages; the Kindle sells for three bucks and change, although there is paperback aavailable for $35. As far as I can tell, Triassic Moon was a Roblox video (?) [computer?} game originally called Jurassic Ruins, which was retired (thankfully, according to coments) in 2021. Are we clear now?
But what about the gawdawful, meretricious, incompetent story? you ask. Let me quote the entire Prologue, complete with actual punctuation, typos. misspellings, spacing, and what have you:
"The year 2007 ,a team of a group of scientists and the aliens experimented with a new weapon or Mass of destruction.For centuries it has been hidden. This planet is shrouded with myth and mystery.it's inhabitants with strangest creatures.others says it a jungle prison for the most dangerous outcast.we didn't know we've could have or should have known.It was too late the last or final transmission was their last warning we'd ever get some people says it a hostile place.others say it a prison.Only the strongest will survive.This is theirs story."
Had enough? Let me give you the first few sentences from "Chapter 1 INTRODUCTION":
"In the year 2029 not too distant future planet Eurora site: LV 223 and LV 228 a lost forbidden planet/moon called Pandora 30 kilometers from earth near distant ssolar system from planet mercury inhabited with dinosaurs and draagons was settled buy a group of androids,aliens, and mad evil-scientist.It was a dangerous near suicide mission that they never think of.They use MRI tissue body reconstruction nanites/alien dragonflies to reconstruct perfect hybrid breed of alien-species of dinosaurs and dragons in nano seconds.These include genus of megaladon,titanosaud, diphlosausrus, deinonychus, brontosaurus,reaper raptor. viper-raptor,archeopteryx,raptor-rex, dire-deinoychus, therizinosaurus,gallimimus,allosaurus,suchomimus,oviraptor,pterodactyl,pteranodon,Hadrosaurus,ornithomimus,triceratops,brontosaurus [again - JH],compsonagthus,argintinosaurus,brachiosaurus,stegosaur,suchomimus [also again -- JH],Gigantasaurus,tylosaur,mosasaur,velociraptor..." I could go on; there's eighteen more species listed, followed by "etc."
Anyway, scientists return to this planet/moon that is less far from Earth than a foorball field and must somehow survive. Ho-hum. If it's really dark out on a moonless night and you squint real hard, it may read a bit like a story, or it may read like a seven-year-old is desribing a computer game. Hard to tell which. Oh, and it plagerizes from the Crichton book as well as the movie, and also from The Terminator, Avatar, and Lord know what else.
I wonder what the lawyers for Crcichton's estate will say when they find out about this one.
(I'm posting this on Jack's birthday. i pray he doesn't think this is my birthday present to him.)
Anyway, I read this one, so you, dear friends, OWE ME BIG TIME!