Small House of Everything

Small House of Everything

Wednesday, August 9, 2017


So there were these three women who died in an automobile accident and all three show up at Heaven at the same time, where St. Peter met them at the gate.

"Welcome to Heaven!"  St. Peter said.  "Now, before you enter, understand that we have only one firm rule here in Heaven:  Don't step on the turtles!"

Somewhat surprised at this admonishment, the three women enter Heaven and see turtles everywhere...billions of billions of turtles covering most of the ground!  There were so many turtles that one of the women immediately (and accidentally) stepped on one.

There was a sudden clap of thunder and a flash of lightning and St. Peter reappeared before the three.  In one hand he had a chain and in the other he held the hand of the ugliest man any of the women had ever seen.  He chained the poor offending woman to the ugly man, saying, "Because you stepped on a turtle, you will be chained to this man for eternity!"  Then --  poof -- he vanished, as did the woman and the ugly man.

The remaining two women were stunned.  For an entire day they moved carefully around Heaven, taking care not to step on any turtles.  But, you guessed it, one of them eventually stepped on a turtle.  St. peter immediately appeared with the clap of thunder and flash of lightning, with a chain and a very ugly man.  If the first man was the ugliest they had ever seen, this guy was uglier to the tenth power.  He chained the second woman to the truly ugly man, saying, "Because you stepped on a turtle, you will be chained to his man for eternity!"  Suddenly, the third woman was left alone.

She took a deep breath and vowed never to step on a turtle.  Over the weeks and months she traveled carefully over Heaven, never stepping on a turtle.  Except for the strain of trying not to step on a turtle, she found Heaven to be more delightful than she had imagined.  Finally, after a full year, St. peter appeared before her.  With him was the most gorgeous man she had ever seen; compared to this man Adonis would have been a leper.  St. Peter chained the woman to this absolute hunk of maleness and, without a word, vanished.

The woman was amazed and (truth to be told) very grateful.  "Wow," she said, 'What did I do to deserved this?"

The man said, "Well, I don't know about you, but I stepped on a turtle."

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