Small House of Everything

Small House of Everything

Saturday, November 5, 2016



Walter Melon is driving down a country road on his way for a date with Cynthia, one of the most popular girls in high school and one whom I would loosely describe as a witch with a b.  (Walter is a bit of an insecure nerd with an out-sized head which leads Cynthia to call him "Melon Head.")   Walter is run off the road by gangsters fleeing from the police.  As the gangsters swerve to avoid a collision, a suitcase full of loot is thrown from their car.  Walter finds the money and wants to turn it in to the police, but he's late for his date with Cynthia.

He and Cynthia go to the drag races where Cynthia moons over dreamy Scot Jackson and his souped-up Ford Falcon.  Of course we know what Walter is thinking.  Here he is with all this money and he could use it to buy a cool car like Scot Jackson's, making Cynthia moon over him instead of Scot.  And we now that will lead to trouble for Walter, but just what kind of trouble?  We'll have to wait until January 10th (when the next issue of Drag-Strip Hotrodders goes on sale) to find out.

Meanwhile, elsewhere in issue #14, the state police have closed of a section of the road over Shadow Mountain while a new bridge is being built, making perfect for Rocky Serrano and Fletcher Hayes to race their cars.  Tough luck for Fletcher! -- motorcycle policeman John Winkler catches them.  If Fletcher gets another speeding ticket, he'll lose his license.  Winkler gives them both a warning, though, and suggests they channel their energy and gasoline by entering the Appalachian Classic (The Twin peaks Grand Prix...are you listening, David Lynch?) in the novice class.  The two agree to help each other get their cars ready for the race.  Who will win?  I bet the big winner will be their friendship.

Moving on.  In "9 Second Quarter," Kennan thinks his new Holly 4-barrel car and Mallory ignition will help him win street races.  He's wrong.  Then engineering genius called Bugeye offers to help him start from scratch and build a car that will help[ him compete in Class A or B fuel drags.  They put a Chrysler hemi in a 1923 Ford Roadster and give it a chrome Moly tube frame.  Things work out well, although they forgot include a chute pack for their first race.  (Ah, these impetuous kids!)  Things get better.  The future looks bright.  And it turns out to be cool to hang out with the smart kids.

Ken King must drive his motorcycle through "The Terror Tube." Why?  Ken has been "wrongly accused of wrecking his best friend, Jerry Gerard, in an effort to win a race" and "has become the most hated guy in racing...Ken could clear his name by getting Gerard's signed papers clearing his name..." (okay,so the writing here is a bit redundant) "but Rudolph Funk, has demanded a high price for these papers, $15,000..." (and evidently know knows how to punctuate properly) (Ken has $10,000, and getting the rest would be easy for a man with Ken's driving ability, except for one rub...nobody will let him race...they hate the sight of him..."  (Dear God in heaven, please -- please! -- deliver me from this opening paragraph!)

Spoiler alert!  Ken makes through the Terror Tube and gets the needed money.  But will that be enough to clear his name?  Dunno.  Again, we have to wait for the next issue (for sale on January 10).  Dammit.

Confession time.  As a teenage and as an adult, I have had and do not have any interest in cars and motors.  Cars are God's way of getting me from point A to point B.  They have a go pedal and a stop pedal.  That, I feel, is all I really need to know.  I have been dragged on occcasion to stock care races and drag races and found them as exciting a watching paint dry.  You may not feel the same way.

If so, enjoy.

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