"I Love Maple Walnut" by Theodore Sturgeon (first published in Harper's Magazine, May 1974; reprinted in The Complete Stories of Theodore Sturgeon, Volume XIII: Case and the Dreamer, 2010)
Ejler Edgar Aylmer invented a computerized butler which he has named Cupid because no one really understands how it works. The mythical Cupid had a way of giving people what they deserved when they asked for their heart's desire -- remember Cupid is blind and can shoot arrows anywhere. Ejler Edgar's Cupid can analyze all available data, and based on the request, will deliver the result through a chute, whether the request is for more mustard for a sandwich, or something else.
The bane of Ejler Edgar's existence was Potiphar Engwall Dendium, a rather disgusting slob who would invade Ejler Edgar's who would invade the scientist's basement laboratory at lunchtimes. Potiphar Ungwall would have his lunch at a diner called Greasy's and order his dessert -- always something gooey and rather sloppy -- to go, taking the dessert with him to Ejler Edgar's, and always leaving the empty containers for Ejler Edgar to clean up. The scientist once made the mistake of telling Potiphar Ungwall that Cupid could deliver whatever he (Potiphar Ungwall) desired by analyzing all available data. The scientist's visitor did not believe that and issued a challenge : "You know what I want Cupid, and I want it at home in bed waiting for me." (Hmm. It sounds as if Potiphar Ungwall's heart's desire may be something a little kinky.)
The following day, Potipher Ungwall barged into the laboratory in a highly incensed stated of anger. In his bed was an ice cream cone and not the nubile young thing he was expecting. But Cupid had analyzed things with its own idea of what love (which can come in many forms) might be and drew from the available data something that Potiphar Ungwall had told the scientist days earlier...
A brief, minor, and amusing fable from a writer known for exploring the many facets of the human heart. And, as with all good fables, there's more here than what just appears on the surface.
I have managed to not get to that volume of the Complete Stories set, I suspect, since I have no memory of this story, which does sound a bit like Sturgeon doing his version of an R. A. Lafferty tall tale...I wonder how many stories he placed with HARPER'S...
ReplyDeleteThis appears to be only one, Todd. According to the story notes, HARPER"S had a sectio0n of the magazine called "Wraparound," which contained short stories around a single theme; the theme for that month was LOVE.
DeleteBTW, it took me long time to access this volume (now available as an ebook).. I first tried getting it though Interlibrary Loan. Despite my supplying the exact details (ISBN, publishing date, the fact that is the 13th on a series of complete short stories, and a plea not to conflate the title), they kept sending me the very different 1974 Doubleday collection CASE AND THE DREAMER. Repeatedly. **sigh**
Clearly, you couldn't know what you were looking for...why would a small press offer a Different book with the same title as a Doubleday, as opposed to reprint, after all. Or, they hoped they wouldn't be obligated to buy the Sturgeon Project volume...
DeleteAt one time in the 1960s, I considered Theodore Sturgeon the best short story writer in the world! And, I did buy that COMPLETE STORT STORIES OF THEODORE STURGEON set. Glad they're available in ebook format now.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete