Small House of Everything

Small House of Everything

Wednesday, March 31, 2021


 (April 1, 2021)    George, Alan & Unwin PUBlishers have announced a special 50th anniversary edition of Roald Dahl's classic children's fantasy Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.  Company president Alfred "Alfie" George stated that, although this was actually the 58th anniversary of the book, they did not think of the promotion until last Wednesday.  "Well, were at the pub and it got to be closing time and me mate, Alan Cropnagle, and me started talking about all sorts of things like crop circles, Manchester United, who's Ma made the best toad-in-the-hole, and a lot of other things.  Anyway we both woke up the next morning in Clyde Opperton's barn and Alan was holding a stained piece of butcher's paper in his hand, which detailed the plan to issue this book.  The paper, I mean, not Alan's hand."

Mister George also added, "Me lawyer says we got to explain that we ain't George Allen & Unwin, which is the original publishers of the book.  We're somebody else, and we named the company for me, Alan, and Unwin -- that's Alan's cat -- and we added PUBlishers because that's where the idea came from.  I think.  Besides, those original folks sold out some thirty years ago."

What is unique about the anniversary edition is that it will be printed entirely on sheets of chocolate, 164 of them.  "Have you ever been reading in bed and decided it was time for a nosh?  Well now you won't have to get out of bed, 'cause the snack is right in front of you!  Genius, eh?  And although most of the book will be printed on milk chocolate, the nasty bits where all those little kids get their comeuppance will be printed on dark chocolate.  We'll also include a sheet of white chocolate for the autographed edition which will have me and Alan's signature," George expounded.

The volume will be about 40 inches thick* (about 1/4 inch per page, printed on one side only).  It will come in a gold (coloured, not the real, very expensive stuff) slipcase.  "We picked gold, because gold is the 50th anniversary thing and me and Alf plan on this deal being our golden ticket," Cropnagle added.  Each book will cost a mere 5000 pounds -- "We ain't doing euros," Cropnagle specified -- a pittance for Roald Dahl's many rich fans.

Both were quick to add that the book should be stored on a cool place.  "Don't leave it in a locked car on a hot day," they warned.

*  That's if Alfie and Allan's math is correct, something that can be called into question.

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