- My uncle will do anything to improve his golf score. He even considered a 'sex change' just so he could use the ladies tees.
- We all worship in our own way. Mine is saying, 'Oh, God' every time a girl with a great body walks down the beach.
- I did ten deep knee bends today. I hate it when the chemist puts the condoms on the bottom shelf.
- Maybe I did have a little to [sic] much to drink last night -- but I didn't hear any complaints from that lamp post I asked to dance.
- I really shouldn't drink -- it makes my dog jealous when I'm down on all fours and he sees people pet me.
- My hangover is so bad it feels like haemorrhoids from the neck up.
- I don't want to say how much wine ( ) drank last night -- but he did qualify as a Catholic mass.
- Every summer its [sic] the same thing. My neighbour starts to complain. Just because my toilet overflows into his swimming pool.
- Times have changed. My kids are scared to death of the neighbourhood bully, and I keeping telling them, 'You have just got to stand up to her.'
- Eat, drink and be merry -- for tomorrow you'll have your head in the toilet.
(Sometimes I don't miss the good old days.)
Terrible stuff. Could the '80s really have been that bad?
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