- A man fell in a barrel of whiskey but dies in good spirits.
- Most things go to the buyer but the coal goes to the cellar.
- Every time I get on a ferry-boat it makes me cross.
- "I hear your brother died and left a lot of money." "Yes. a policeman shot him before he got out of the bank with it."
- Speaking of playing poker, the other day I went down cellar and saw a cat and two mice. In half a minute everything was in the kitty.
- "Do you think the elevator boy stole your watch?" "He swore up and down that he didn't."
- I was walking down Fourteenth st. the other day and picked up a nickel. I went a block further and found a saloon.
- "If you are in doubt about kissing a girl what do you do?" "Give her the benefit of the doubt."
- I saw a pretty girl on the lawn with her stockings on wrong side out, so I turned the hose on her.
Need I mention that sometimes I don't miss the "good old days"?