A pirate walks into a bar after being off at sea for a year.
The bartender recognizes his old customer, pours him some grog, and asks, "How are you doing, Captain?"
The pirate lifts his drink and says, "Fine. I'm doing just fine."
The bartender seems a bit surprised at this. "Forgive me for saying this, Captain, but since I last saw you, you've gotten a wooden leg."
"Aar," the pirate says, "me leg was blown off by a cannon ball, so I was fitted with this wooden leg, but I'm fine, just fine."
"And you have a hook for a hand..."
"Aar, it happened in the heat of battle during a sword fight. The blighter chopped off my hand, but the doctor gave me this here hook, so I'm fine, just fine."
"And you're wearing an eyepatch..."
"Aar, I used ta have two good eyes but then I happened ta looked and a seagull pooped right in my eye."
The bartender stares at the pirate in wonder. "Seagull poop made you lose an eye?"
"Well, I wasn't really used ta the hook."