SHORT STORY WEDNESDAY: WILD WULLIE THE WASTER

 "Wild Wullie the Waster" by Tod Robbins (first published in All-Story Weekly, February 14, 1920; reprinted first in the collection Silent, White and Beautiful and Other Stories, 1920, then in the collection Who Wants a Green Bottle? and Other Uneasy Tales, 1926; reprinted in the anthology Shivers: A Third Collection of Uneasy Tales, anonymously edited by Charles Birkin, 1932, then in Creeps Omnibus, anonymously edited by Charles Birkin, 1935; reprinted in Famous Fantastic Mysteries Combined with Fantastic Novels Magazine, September , 1942; reprinted in the Tod Robbins retrospective Freaks and Fantasies, 2008)

The tale is narrated by the ghost of the title character, Wild Wullie Campbell, the profligate younger brother of the twelfth Laird of Branstoun.  After forty years, the Laird has finally died, leaving his estate to Wullie, now an old man.  The brother, Alexander, was a penny-pinching, unlikeable man, and had drown in a lake grasping a sack of gold coins; had he dropped the sack, he could have able to make to the safety of the shore, but his miser's heart did him in.  Wullie travels to Scotland for his inheritance with his friend, Roderick Dingwell, another elderly, impoverished man.  There they plan to spend what time left to them dining lavishly, drinking fine spirits, and playing billiards -- billiards being the one passion each has left.

At first, all seems to go well as the pair are isolated on a lonely estate in the midst of a wild Scottish winter.  The dining and the drinking are exceptional and the billiards keep them happy through the long and bitter nights.  Sadly, as can happen when two are forced together for long periods of time, they began to get on each other's nerves.  The friendly games devolved into fierce contests.  Finally, after an unintended accident caused Roderick to miss a shot, the two came to blows, dueling and prancing back and forth with cue sticks like swords until Roderick struck Wullie a blow to the head, killing him.  In that instant, Wullie became a ghost, with a ghost's perspective of the world -- one that is completely separate from that of a mortal.  Wullie felt pity and concern for Roderick, who was horrified that he had killed his best friend.

Roderick fled into the winter night to the lake, intending to drown himself.  Wullie followed him.  At the shore of the lake, Wullie met the ghost of his brother Alexander and was horrified at the state of his brother's spirit.  Perhaps not technically a suicide, Alexander was practically one, because he had refused to give up to sack of gold that had led to his death.  Wullie was afraid of what effect suicide might have on Roderick's spirit, but because he was insubstantial was unable to plead him out of the proposed suicide.  But, since it was winter, the lake had a thick covering of ice and Roderick could not cast himself into it.  Disappointed, Roderick went back to the manor.  Wullie followed and was dismayed to see Roderick pull out a straight razor.  It is a well-known fact (in Scotland, anyway) that, at the stroke of midnight, a ghost can materialize.  Wullie's only hope to dissuade Roderick was to wait until midnight and hope that Roderick had not harmed himself before that hour.  Midnight came and Wullie materialized.  Unfortunately, this so startled Roderick that he slit his throat.  Roderick instantly became a ghost.  

Rodrick had always been persnickety about his appearance and he was not happy at the red gaping opening that now was permanently part of his throat.  Wullie persuaded him to wrap scarf arounf the wound, hiding it.  Both ghosts realized how silly their actions as humans were and began once again to play friendly games of billiards to pass the time.

Eventually, the new owner showed up -- a young cousin of Wullie.  His companion and best friend happened to be a relative of Roderick.  The two living occupants of the house settled in and enjoyed themselves.  Then they faced the billiards table.  The problem was that both men were terrible at the game and seldom could hit the ball, much less make a decent shot.  Nonetheless they insisted on playing thoughout the night, which meant that Wullie and Roderick could not enjoy their usual game because the table was occupied.  One talent that ghosts have over mortals is the ability to move things with their minds.  This meant that Wullie and Roderick could mentally control the shots for the other two.  the living players were amazed at how well they were playing.  Eventually the attention of the two spirits wavered just ever so slightly and an accidental nudge led to a missed shot, which led to a fierce argument, which led to the two living players facing each other with murderous intent and cue sticks in their hands.

Will history repeat itself with tragic circumstances?

The only way this coud be more of a distinct Scottish ghost story would be if the game in question was golf, rather than billiards.  

The tale is a bit of departure from the weird tales that are Tod Robbins's usual fare, which borders on the macabre and the grotesque rather than the tongue in cheek.  The author is best known for his novel The Terrible Three, which was filmed twice as The Unholy Three (1925, directed by Tod Browning and starring Lon Chaney; and it's 1930 "talkie" remake directed by Jack Conway, again starring Lon Chaney) and for his short story "Spurs," which was the basis of the classic 1932 Tod Browning film Freaks, as well as 2010's uncredited and unsuccessful The Museum of Wonders.  Both The Terrible Three and "Spurs" were used as episodes of the Argentinean podcast Cineficcion Radio several years ago.

Clarence Aaron "Tod" Robbins (1888-1949) published five other novels, including Mysterious Martin (1912) and The Master of Murders (1933); a seventh novel remains unpublished.  Among his most popular short stories are "Silent, White, and Beautiful," "Who Wants a Green Bottle?," "Toys" (a.p.a. "The Toys of Fate"), "Cockcrow Inn,", "The Bibulous Baby," and "The Whimpus" -- all of which are recommended.