Small House of Everything

Small House of Everything

Saturday, September 1, 2012


Well, Monday is Labor Day, the spirital if not the chronological end of summer, and because I am a lazy git, I am forced to revise my Summer 1912 Bucket List.

  • I had planned to do a great deal of travel to many, many exotic places (Tierra del Fuego, Ulan Bator, Kuala Lumpur, the Islets of Langerhans, Washington DC, i.e.).  Now I am going to settle for traveling to the bathroom many, many times.
  • I now hope to write the Great American Sentence.
  • This was the summer I was going to learn to play the twelve-string guitar.  Now I'm going to try to learn to play the radio and tune it to an oldies station.
  • The next new BIG computer application will not be designed by me, alas.  The time I would have spent creating it was spent slicing watermelon.  I really love watermelon.  I could use the next less-than-two days to design that application but -- dammit -- there's a sale on watermelon this weekend.
  • This was the summer I was going to lose the excess weight.  I could still lose over a hundred pounds by Labor Day, but only if I misplace my wife.  Ain't gonna happen.  Instead, my diet is going to be an excess "wait."
  • As some of you may know, we got an eight-year-old dog this summer.  My aim was to try to teach this old dog new tricks by the end of the summer.  The only trick-learning was on my part:  the dog taught me to leave the room whenever he passes gas.  I may still be able to teach him the trick of not passing gas, but I doubt it.  He's pretty set in his ways.
  • I had also hoped to learn a new language this summer.  Well, at least my wife has learned new language from me when the dog passes gas.
  • All was not a loss.  Items that never made it on my Summer 2012 Bucket List were sky diving, swimming with ravenous sharks, trying to survive a zombie apocalypse, climbing Mount Everest, riding a maddened tiger, and partying with Linsey Lohan.  I am happy to report that I did not do any of those things.

Perhaps the summer worked out pretty well, after all.  And, there's always next summer.


  1. There are worse things than hanging out with Lohan, such as being on the road in front of Lohan.

    So, the watermelon Doesn't help with the diet?

  2. And if the watermelon doesn't, the canine flatulence doesn't, either? Keep the overhead fans on...