A VEGGIE TALE

"I taped yesterday's Oprah so you can watch it with me."

     Uh-oh.

     (Quick, think!)  "Sounds great!"  (I went to husband school.  I know what to say.)

     "It's a show on vegans."

     (Gulp.)   "That will be interesting."  (Darned husband school!)

     So we watched.  Turns out Oprah and over 200 of her flunkies employees at Harpo went vegan for a week.  Result --  they felt better, had more energy, many lost weight (some gained), had a hell of a lot of bowel movents, and were pretty gassy.  Thinking I could probably manage all five without becoming vegan, I wisely said nothing.

     The purpose of show (Oprah said) was not to turn anyone vegan, but to make each of us aware of where our food comes from.  To that purpose, Lisa Ling led us on a tour of a meat processing plant.  (Thanks, Lisa.)  Probably thinking back to the time she was sued by the Texan beef industry, Oprah herself decided not to become a vegan.  She would become "veganish", just "leaning" in that direction.  The Harpo cafeteria would now offer a "meatless Monday" option, though.  All well and good.

     "That might be something we would want to try," said The Light of My Life.

     "Bacon's a vegetable, isn't it?" was my only response.

     Actually it's not a bad idea.  Going vegan -- or at least vegetarian -- for a week.  ("We're not getting any younger," she pointedly said, staring where my six-packs would be if I didn't love my six-packs.  **Point of Order:  she is always young in my heart and mind.  Me?  Not quite.**)

     Only major problem that I can see is that it's going to cost and arm and a leg and another leg.  Oprah's "veganist" guest (who happened to the wife of one of her partners in the OWN network) took one Oprah's employees shopping at Whole Foods to buy some (read: a shopping cartload) of tasty vegan food.  Cut to leaving the store with bags (paper, not plastic) of healthy, yummy food.  The stop at the register was either edited out or not filmed.  Probably just as well; those viewers who eat meat, or who are on a limited non-Oprah budget, would have been in shock.

     Like everyone else, I have my own quirks about food.  I hate peas.  Hate 'em.  Love pea soup.  Other contradictions:  I love beans and legumes, but can't stand lima beans, and I love corn, but hate creamed corn.   Thus, I hate succotash, but I would die for some of the home-made succotash my Aunt Corrine made when she was alive.  Those are contradictions I can live with, my own private little food oxymorons.

     My wife and Oprah seem convinced the word "lifestyle" -- at least as it applies to me -- is another oxymoron.  They're probably right.  So I will bravely, with majesty and heroism, attempt a veganish (or vegetarianish) lifestyle.

    Why not?  Bacon is a vegetable, in't it?  

    Anyway, here's a few vegan songs I found on Youtube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gB5gx7K0ZVcvv

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cuOSxSz6GBwv

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_G7fmSv_vug

     And couple from the opposing side:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jBsPZV14I-k
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FVyhfpwbpF4