Openers: "Wait a minute, now. You're saying you want us to deal with a pig problem?" Leonard said.
We were sitting in the agency office, just me and Leonard along with an economy-sized woman in a colorful flower-patterned muumuu and house shoes. She looked as if she might take a bite out of your ear. She had thick and bright false teeth and in my view wasn't afraid to use them.
"It's a hog. Sizable. Keeps attacking the family." the woman said. "My kids, three of them. Another one, Sharoline, doesn't live at home, so she's pig-free. I hardly knew her father. I was pretty wild once. Used to drink a lot. But that's a different story, and you don't want to hear about that."
She paused, perhaps hoping we did want to hear about it, but we offered no encouragement. I found a fly on Brett's desk to watch. The moment passed for her story. The fly had had its moment as well and flew off.
She said, "All the kids are afraid of Porky. That's what we named him. One time, Porky humped my leg like a dog. I had to let him finish because he wouldn't let go. He was kind of soothed afterward, so I was able to escape with a wet leg and all of me still intact. Big as he is, wonder he didn't push me down. but he's quite agile and can stand on his hind hooves. He was more of a shoat then. He put on some weight since that lovesick moment. I bet that son of a bitch tops lout at four hundred ;pounds. He still gives me the love eye when he catches me hurrying from the house to the pickup.
"The kids go to catch the school bus or come home on it, they got to run like wild horses to keep Porky from getting to them. Goddamn bastard ate my daughter's cat, Tulip. And that cat was sizable and a scrapper. Seen Tulip whip a good-sized dog once. But that hog ate old Tulip like she was an ear of corn. Sometimes, to get the kids on the bus, Baby Darling, my youngest girl, owner of the cat, also the fastest of the kids even though she's short-legged, will put herself out there first and run around the house, old Porky following. That gives the other kids time to run to the bus, and then Baby Darling will beat it to the bus just before the driver closes the door. She's a brave little scamp."
Hatchet Girls by Joe R. Lansdale (2025)
Thus, Hap and Leonard are hired to catch and pen a psychotic 400-pound hog whose meanness stems from a steady diet of meth -- not the easiest job they have ever had. Before they were finished, one house was wrecked and both were beaten and tired. But both soldiered on because Hap and Leonard, as usual, refused to give up, not knowing what dangers would stem from this little incident. Soon they were facing in-bred criminal idiots, an East Texas meth cartel, crooked cops, stupid cops, indifferent cops, and a gang war, as well as the Hatchet Girls, so named because of the weapons of choice they used to torture, disfigure, and dismember there victims before setting them on fire. And Hap and Leonard are not getting any younger and are facing changes of their own in their lives. Danger, suspense, excitement, humor, racism, sex, corruption, and good ol' down home stupidity combine with truly evil deeds to make this another great entry kin this series as Hap and his wife Brett and Leonard and his fiance Pookie face off against their most dangerous enemies ever.
Incoming: - "Luke Adams" (Bill Crider), Apache Law: Showdown. The fourth and final book in this paperback western series about Mitch Frye, the reluctant half-Apache sheriff of Paxton, Arizona. "Trace Beaumont once saved Mitch Frye from drowning. Now Trace has shown up in Paxton and wants to renew the friendship. Trouble is, Trace is now a gunslinger wanted for a string of murders, and Mitch is a lawman. But Mitch doesn't have a ,lot of time to worry about his old friend -- he's got other things on his mind. A ruthless gang that he threw out of town is coming back to tear the place up and get their revenge on Mitch. And there aren't a whole lot of folks willing to stand by him and help him face the gunmen down. It looks like Mitch has no choice but to accept Trace's help. But he'll always be wondering why Trace came to town in the first place. And whether he 's more likely to be shot by the gang...or by his friend"
- Kevin J. Anderson, editor, Star Wars: Tales from the Mos Eisley Cantina. From 1995, the first Star Wars tie-in anthology, with sixteen original stories; authors include Anderson, Kathy Tiers, Timothy Zahn, Jerry Oltion, and Judith & Garfield Reeves-Stevens.
- Piers Anthony, With a Tangled Skein. Fantasy, Book Three of the Incarnations of Immortality series. "When the man Niobe loved was shot, she learned that she had been the target, in a devious plot of the Devil's. Hoping for revenge, Niobe accepted a position as one of the three Aspects of Fate, only to find that Satan's plots were tangled into the very Tapestry of Fate. Now the Evil One was laying a trap to ruin Niobe's granddaughter Lura, who threatened his plans -- and he had tricked her son into Hell."
- Andrea Camilleri, Excursion to Tindari. An Inspector Montalbano mystery. "A young Don Juan is found murdered in front of his apartment building early one morning, an9=d an elderly couple are reported missing after an excursion to the ancient site of Tindari -- two seemingly unrelated cases for Inspector Montalbano to solve amid the daily complications of life at Vigata police headquarters. But when Montalbano discovers that the couple and the murdered yon=g man lived in the same building, his investigation stumbles into Sicily's brutal "New Mafia", which leads him down a path more evil and more far-reaching than any he has been down before."
- John Dickson Carr, The Unexpected Instinct. The final collection of fourteen early stories by Carr, dating from 1921 to 1935, many long forgotten and never reprinted. Also included is a newly discovered Sherlock Holmes pastiche, a playlet written for the 1950 Mystery Writers of America awards ceremony by never performed. The stories include mystery, historical adventure, fantasy, and satirical tales. A must for any serious John Dickson Carr fan.
- Nikki Erlick, The Poppy Fields. Speculative fiction. "Welcome to the Poppy Fields, where there's hope for even the most battered hearts to heal. Here, in a remote stretch of the California desert, lies an experimental and controversial treatment center that allows those suffering from the heartache of loss to sleep through their pain...and keep on sleeping. After patients awaken from this prolonged state of slumber, they will finally be healed. But only if they are willing to accept the shadowy side effects." Not my typical cup of tea but it is this month's pick for Erin's Family Book Club, so we'll see.
- John Farris, Sharp Practice. Thriller. A psychopathic killer stalks and terrorizes Annie Ramsdell, who is haunted by a man she cannot remember but cannot forget. Considered a classic of the genre.
- Alan Dean Foster, The Spoils of War. Science fiction, Book Three of THE DAMNED. "After millennia of relentless war, the union of alien races called the Weave was on the verge of winning a decisive victory -- thanks to their new allies from Earth, who in a mere handful of centuries had proved masters of combat. But then the birdlike Wais scholar Lalelelang found disturbing evidence that humans might not adapt so easily to peace -- that natural human aggression would next be turned against the Weave, unless they were once again confined to fight among themselves. When her field research revealed the existence of a secret group of powerfully telepathic Humans called the Core, it looked as if Lalelelang would be the first victim in a n=ew war between Humans and their allies. But just as her fate was sealed, a lone Core commander took a chance on her intelligence and compassion, gambling the fate of Humanity on the possibility that together, they could find an alternative to a galaxy-wide holocaust."
- Raymond Z. Gallun, The Best of Raymond Z. Gallun. Science fiction collection with thirteen stories. Gallun was a popular early science fiction writer who published most of his 120 stories between 1929 and 1942, including recognized classics as "Old Faithful" and "Davey Jones' Ambassador." His writing was rough, but his plots were fast-moving and his stories were often full of original ideas. Gallun is essential reading for anyone wishing to get a good view of science fiction at that time.
- Guy Gilpatrick, Glencannon: Great Stories from The Saturday Evening Post. Collection of 21 humorous stories about the irascible Scottish ship's engineer who sailed through more than seventy stories, 1929 -1947 -- all but six of which appeared in SEP. Glencannon stands alongside Tugboat Annie, Alexander Botts, and other characters who made SEP required reading for much of the Twentieth century.
- Martin H. Greenberg, Carol-Lynn Rossel Waugh, & Jon Lellenberg, editors, The New Adventures of Sherlock Holmes (expanded edition). Eighteen new Sherlockian tales of detection, suspense, and fantasy. Authors include Anne Perry Stephen King, Edward D. Hoch, Peter Lovesey, Michael Gilbert, Lillian de la Torre, Dorothy B. Hughes, John Lutz, and Bill Crider. Come. Watson, the game's afoot!
- Carl Hiaasen & Bill Montalbano, Trap Line. Thriller. Before he went solo, Hiaasen wrote three novels with fellow reporter Montalbano (no relation to the Camilliri character above). "With its dozens of outlying islands and the native Conchs' historically low regard for the law, Key West is a smuggler's paradise. All that's needed are the captains to run the contraband=. Breeze Albury is one of the best fishing captains on the Rock, and he's in no mood to become the Machine's delivery boy. So the Machine sets out to persuade him. It starts out by taking away Albury's livelihood, Then it robs him of his freedom. But when the Machine threatens Albury's son, the washed-out wharf rat turns into a raging, sea-going vigilante." Drug lords, crooked cops, and homicidal marine lowlifes, oh my.
- Stephen Graham Jones, The Long Trial of Nolan Dugatti. Horror novella. "If drinking mercury from a thermometer didn't kill him, maybe spray painting in an unventilated garage would. Or so Nolan's father thought. One inspired yet failed suicide attempt after another, each with a note to his son -- with only a hint of accusation. But as Nolan sits in an empty office building, the last customer service employee for a nearly obsolete video game, those many suicide notes come back to haunt him. As do the levels of the game that no one plays anymore. And now a homicide detective is on the phone. Maybe his father was right when he wrote that he was teaching Nolan not to give up. But there's no cheatcode that's going to get Nolan through this." Also, Night of the Mannequins. Horror novella. "One last laugh for the summer as it winds down. One last prank just to scare a friend. Bringing a mannequin into a theater is just some harmless fun, right? Until it wakes up. Until it starts killing. Luckily, Sawyer has a plan. He'll be a hero. He'll save everyone to the best of his ability. He'll kill as many people as he needs to so he can save the day. That's the thing about heroes -- sometimes you have to become a monster first." Also, Zombie Bake-Off. Horror novel. "There's not much rumbling during the Recipe Days show at the Lubbock Municipal Coliseum -- except for stomachs that is -- until the professional wrestlers arrive early for their Saturday night matches. Chaos ensues when the home cooks are overrun by Xombie, the Hillbillies, and Jersey Devil Jill. They're not everyone's idea of family fun...especially when the rowdy wrestlers descend on the free donuts brought for the security tram -- and are turned into brain-eating zombies. The night's main event starts early with undead wrestlers squaring off against kitchen divas and soccer moms. And as the contagion spreads, the few survivors armed with mixers, booth poles, and a Zamboni, must fight to keep their heads on straight -- and off the menu." Jones, a true original, is one of the brightest stars on today's horror scene. But somehow I have always had trouble getting into his novels, but once I am in there, the ride is exhilarating.
- Stephen King. Hansel and Gretel. Children's book. The fairy tale retold and presented with paintings by Maurice Sendak originally created for the Humperdinck opera of the story.
- Emily St. John Mandel, Station Eleven. The Arthur C. Clarke award-winning novel and the basis for the 2021 HBO miniseries; the book was also nominated for the National Book Award, the PEN/Faulkner Award, and the Bailey's Women's Prize for fiction. "Kirsten Raymonde will never forget the night Arthur Leander, the famous Hollywood actor, had a heart attack onstage during a production of King Lear. That was also the night when a devastating flu pandemic arrived in the city, and within weeks, civilization as we know it came to an end. Twenty years later, Kirsten moves between the settlements of the altered world with a small troupe of actors and musicians. They call themselves the Traveling Symphony, and they have dedicated themselves to keeping the remnants of art and humanity alive. But when they arrive in St. Deborah by the Water, They encounter a violent prophet who will threaten the tiny band's existence. And as the story takes off, moving back and forth in time, and vividly depicting life before and after the pandemic, the strange twist of fate that connects them all will be revealed."
- Silvia Moreno-Garcia, Velvet Was the Night. Historical noir. "Mexico in the 1970s is a dangerous country, even for Maite, a secretary who spends her life seeking the romance found in cheap comic books and ignoring the activists protesting around the city. When her next-door neighbor, the beautiful student Leonora, disappears under suspicious circumstances, Maite finds herself searching for the missing woman -- and journeying deeper into Leonora's secret life of student radicals and dissidents. Mexico in the 1970s is a politically fraught land, even for Elvis, a goon with a passion for rock 'n' roll who knows more about kidney-smashing than intrigue. When Elvis is assigned to find Leonora, he begins a blood-soaked search for the woman -- and his soul. Swirling in parallel trajectories, Maite and Elvis attempt to discover the truth behind Leonora's disappearance, encountering hitman, government agents, and Russian spies. Because Mexico in the 1970s is a noir, where life is cheap and the price of truth is high." Moren-Garcia is one of the best writers working today.
- Will Murray, Secret Agent X vs. Dr. Death. Original pulp superhero adventure novel. "UP FROM THE GRAVE! The world believed Doctor Death deceased. The clinically insane super-scientist and occultist determined to throw civilization back into the Dark Ages would trouble mankind no more. Yet when the disbanded Secret Twelve, originally organized to defeat Death, started succumbing to violent, malevolent forces not of this world, authorities suspected that the former Professor Rance Mandarin still lived. And schemed. Rising to meet the5 challenge was the Man of a Thousand Faces, known yet unknown as Secret Agent X. But the man of mystery had never before faced a foe possessing supernatural powers. Could X alone defeat the past master of zombies, elementals, and even more dire creatures? Or must he seek out allies as mysterious as he?" Of course he must. Murray brings alone other pulp heroes such as the Moon Man, the Griffin, and the Cobra for the ride. Great fun!
- Andre Norton, Exiles of the Stars. Science fiction, the second book in the Moon Singer sequence, and a sequel to Moon of Three Rings. The Free Trader starship Lydis is making a rub to the planet Thoth, carrying incense for the great temples of Kartum, when a civil war lands her in a battle of ancient powers and nameless evil, with a Forerunner treasure at its heart. The crew seems normal until you look closely at two of its members: Krip Vorlund, a man who walks kin a body not his own, and his pet, a four-legged beast hiding the mind of Maslen the Moon Singer, a woman whose esper powers can save them all -- or bring them to eternal destruction." Also, Mirror of Destiny. Fantasy, part of the Five Senses sequence. "The King's lottery has determined that Twilla, young orphaned apprentice of a renowned wisewoman, must marry -- but only the wedded can survive the terrible fate awaiting those who penetrate the primeval forest. Altered by a talisman of great power, she escapes her unwanted lot -- joining a commander's tragically blinded son on a remarkable journey from peril to peril. For they are the chosen who must rescue the vanquished of an ancient war of magicks...and shape the destiny of a bloody, disputed land."
- Joyce Carol Oates, Double Trouble. the latest from Hard Case Crime: a collection of two novels (Star-Bright Will Be with You Soon and Soul Mate) plus two short stories -- all originally published as by "Rosamond Smith." A companion volume is slated to appear later this year.
- Terry Pratchett, Nation. A juvenile science fiction novel. "When a giant wave destroys his village, Mau is the only one left. Daphne -- a traveler from the other side of the globe -- is the sole survivor of a shipwreck. Separated by language and customs, the two are united by catastrophe. Slowly, they are joined together by other refugees. And as they struggle to protect the small band, Mau and Daphne defy ancestral spirits, challenge death himself, and uncover a long hidden secret that literally turns the world upside down."
- Robert J. Randisi, Cold Blooded. A Dennis McQueen mystery. "NYPD Detective Sergeant Dennis McQueen has his hands full with a very bizarre case. A series of dead bodies has been found, all frozen -- killed by various methods, but disposed of in the same manner. Just a coincidence, or is there a serial killer at work? Thing8s heat up when McQueen is sent to investigate a body found in the rubble of a fire and meets FDNY Fire Marshal Mason Willis. Willis is investigating it as an arson, but the medical examiner's report makes it obvious that this is a case for McQueen McQueen and Willis have no choice but to work together. Will even the combined efforts of the NYPD and the FDNY be able to stop the killer...or killers?"
- Alistair Reynolds, Pushing Ice. Science fiction. "2057. Bella Lind and the crew of her nuclear-powered ship, the Rockhopper, push ice. They mine comets. But when Janus, one of Saturn='s ice moons, inexplicably leaves its natural orbit and heads out of the solar system at high speed, Bella is ordered to shadow it for the few vital days before it falls forever out of reach. In accepting this mission, she sets her ship and her crew on a collision course with destiny -- for Janus has many surprises in store, and not all of them are welcome..."
- "J. D. Robb" (Nora Roberts), Glory in Death. The second book in the bestselling near-future Eve Dallas mystery-romance series, which now totals 62 novels and 11 novellas. "The first victim was found lying on the sidewalk in the rain. The second was murdered in her own apartment building. Police Lieutenant /Eve Dallas had no problem finding connections between the two crimes. Both victims were beautiful and highly successful women. Their glamorous lives and loves were the talk of the city. And their intimate relations with men of great power and wealth provided Eve with aa long list of suspects including her own lover, Rourke. As a woman, Ever was compelled to trust the man who shared her bed. But as a cop, it was her job to follow every lead...to investigate every scandalous rumnor...to explore every secret passion, no matter how dark. Or how dangerous." People whose judgment I respect love these books. I have read the first book in the series and thought it was okay but no great shakes. I have a number of others buried on Mount TBR, so I'll read a few more and see if I catch the fever.
- Tom Robbins, Wild Ducks Flying Backward: The Short Writings of Tom Robbins. A collection of articles, essays, observations, poems, lyrics, stories, critiques, and whathaveyou from the best-selling cult novelist who passed away last year at 92. He should have lived forever.
- John Scalzi, Fuzzy Nation. Science fiction, a reimagination of H. Beam Piper's 1962 novel Little Fuzzy, the first of three novels about the popular golden-furred aliens. There have also been five other novels by other writers about the Fuzzies, mainly* sequels or novels set in the same universe. Scalzi's novel should be considered a "reboot," taking the general storyline and plot elements of the original book, and "adding new elements, characters, and events." Because Scalzi is Scalzi, I'm sure Piper's many fans have forgiven him and, most likely, approve.
- Mary Stewart, Three Novels of Suspense. Omnibus volume containing the romantic suspense novels: Madam, Will You Talk?, Nine Coaches Waiting, and My Brother Michael. Stewart was one of the authors who popularized this genre and all three books are considered classics. There was a time when you could not toss a cat at a paperback spinner rack and not hit a Mary Stewart novel.
- Jason Starr, Gotham: City of Monsters. Original tie-in novel of the television series set in the Batman universe. "Having escaped Arkham Asylum, Hugo Strange's monsters stalk the streets, spreading chaos, fear, and death. Herself a victim of the madman's experiment, Fish Mooney seeks to retake her place at the top of the underworld. Street thief Selena Kyle covets a place at her side. Overwhelmed by this crisis, the city offers to pay a bounty for the creatures -- dead or alive. Though no longer a cop, [James] Gordon nevertheless proves to be the most skilled at bringing these superhumans to justice, some in body bags. Yet even he may not be able to stop the most bloodthirsty of the monsters."
Infamous: Today marks the 137th birthday of Adolph Hitler, failed artist and human being. Born in Braunau am Inn, Austria-Hungary, he was an early German nationalist and avowed racist. It's hard to imagine a person rising from such beginnings to become a national leader, much less one responsoible for the deaths of millions, but hatred has no bounds.
Here's a song from Glenn Miller and His Orchestra, with vocals by Tex Beneke and The Modernaires, written by Irving Berlin in 1941, dedicated to the Fuhrer. Any application to our present situation is purely coincidental.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4IUesQQKKQ
Two years later, America's secret weapon was revealed -- a certain member of the family Anatidae with a speech impediment. Hitler did not stand a chance.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I7vb89c6pQY
420: Today is also 420 (pronounced four-twenty), a counterculture celebration of cannabis consumption, especially smoking around 4:20 PM. In U.S. notation, April 20 is marked 4/20.
Sadly (or not so sadly), I am quite un-hip (is that still a phrase?) I have never smoked marijuana, or eaten an Alice B. Toklas cookie, or even a gummy. I have also never used drugs or psychedelics. I am a very boring person -- happy, but boring. So I am not one to discuss the drug culture in any way.
To kick things off, here's a 1930s anti-marijuana clip, complete with hep cats and jive dancing, explaining that marijuana use will lead to murder, rape, dead teenagers, and sexual experimentation. Gasp!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b6NzN_u4Rnw&list=PL_T1X5PCI5Bp0Koar1kKT_JsC9IX6auXT&index=11
And, from 1933, here's a classic marijuana exploitation film, starring no one you have ever heard of because, I assume, they all ruined their lives with weed.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cxFKziRdvto&list=PL_T1X5PCI5Bp0Koar1kKT_JsC9IX6auXT&index=10
And Gertrude Michael singing "Marihuana" (1934).
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EzKqI8Lw_fY&list=PL_T1X5PCI5Bp0Koar1kKT_JsC9IX6auXT&index=6
And a PDF of Cornell Woolrich's After-Dinner Story, a collection of six tales, including the classic "Marahuana" (first published in Detective Fiction Weekly, May3, 1941, and sometimes reprinted as by "William Irish").
https://www.fadedpage.com/books/20200949/html.php
I Think This Is a Joke: Auto-correct walks into a bar, and the batman says, "Why the log fence"
All Aboard: From 1917, with Harold Lloyd, Bebe Daniels, and Snub Pollard.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a6QxKDBwBcA
Oy Como Va: Tito Puente, the flamboyant master of Latin jazz, with one of his signature hits. It is impossible to listen to this and not be happy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZQh4IL7unM
Florida Man (Politics Edition): Kevin Cichowski of Palm Coast, who is running for governor of Florida, has been arrested for battering two elderly people inside a home during what appeared to be a domestic dispute. Cichowski hit one victim with a cane and threw a cell phone at another, and allegedly had a gun, according to police. One of the victims was bedridden. According to one victim, Cichowski had threatened to kill the two multiple times and said he would kill law enforcement if they interfered. While taken to a detention facility, Cichowski mad a suicidal statement and was then place in protective custody under the Baker Act. He was previously arrested in 2024 for domestic battery, domestic battery by strangulation, and false imprisonment.
The political hopeful had previously run for Palm Coast mayor in 2021.
There is no word on whether this arrest will affect his current campaign, but this is Florida, so who knows?
Good News:
- Chicago has turned all public school IDs into library cards https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/chicago-turns-all-public-school-ids-into-library-cards-to-boost-student-access/
- Four groups work together in a massive effort to save a beached whale https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/group-works-together-to-save-humpback-whale-after-it-became-stranded-on-australian-sandbar/
- Restaurant owners scrap Easter plans to honor a dying man's last wish https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/restaurant-owner-shelves-easter-plans-to-fulfill-dying-mans-last-wish-to-feed-his-hospice-nurses/
- Alaska court ruling saves America's largest rain forest from logging https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/americas-largest-rainforest-safe-from-logging-thanks-to-alaska-court-ruling/
- Young girl saves brothers from burning home https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/12-yo-girl-called-a-hero-for-running-into-burning-home-to-save-brothers/
- Applebee's worker shelters fifty people from on-rushing tornado https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/applebees-manager-praised-for-life-saving-organization-as-tornado-barreled-towards-them/
- And, because we all need a bit of joy, this aquarium seal loves his rubber duckie https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/aquarium-shares-video-of-harbor-seal-playing-with-his-rubber-duckie/
