WORRIED

My name is Jerry and I have gone over to the Dark Side.  I am sincerely worried about the state of my soul.  I am beginning to revel in others' misfortune.  Yes, I admit it.  I am beginning to get addicted to the trainwrecks that are reality television.

    It started simply enough with The Real Housewifes of D.C.  Watching the gate-crashing Salahis was like watching a deadly snake.  I was hypnotized by their shallowness, all the while basking in my superiority to them.  Then came a show called Million Dollar Listing, about three young competing California real estate agent who brought shallowness to a new low level.  (Don't even get me going about Chadicakes' hair!) 

     Last night I watched an episode of Wife Swap.  One bozo was too busy playing with his actions figures to pay attention to his young (very talentless) son who wanted to be a rapper; and that's when he and his wife are not out hunting Sasquatch.  The other family seemed to be deluding themselves that they were paying equal attention to all their kids.  Ugh!  I felt so virtuous.  I am so much better than them.  They are merely objects to be sneered at, not pitied.  God help me!

    I've also seen a number of shows about brides.  Mean, thankless brides.  Selfish, bitchy brides.  Brides who have absolutely no taste in choosing bridal gowns.  Slash-my-wrists-now-before-I-would-ever-deign- to-marry-any-one-of-these-monster brides.  Brides who make the subjects of the "People at Wal-Mart" site look positively main street.  Brides who scare me.  Brrrrrr!

     I may need your support.  I'm going to try...try to give it up cold turkey.  Public television and selected scripted series only.  Masterpiece Classic and NCIS.

     If I don't make it, feel free to Gibbs-slap me.