SHORT STORY WEDNESDAY: "I LOVE MAPLE WALNUT"

 "I Love Maple Walnut" by Theodore Sturgeon  (first published in Harper's Magazine, May 1974; reprinted in The Complete Stories of Theodore Sturgeon, Volume XIII:  Case and the Dreamer, 2010)

Ejler Edgar Aylmer invented a computerized butler which he has named Cupid because no one really understands how it works.  The mythical Cupid had a way of giving people what they deserved when they asked for their heart's desire -- remember Cupid is blind and can shoot arrows anywhere.  Ejler Edgar's Cupid can analyze all available data, and based on the request, will deliver the result through a chute, whether the request is for more mustard for a sandwich, or something else.

The bane of Ejler Edgar's existence was Potiphar Engwall Dendium, a rather disgusting slob who would invade Ejler Edgar's who would invade the scientist's basement laboratory at lunchtimes.  Potiphar Ungwall would have his lunch at a diner called Greasy's and order his dessert -- always something gooey and rather sloppy -- to go, taking the dessert with him to Ejler Edgar's, and always leaving the empty containers for Ejler Edgar to clean up.  The scientist once made the mistake of telling Potiphar Ungwall that Cupid could deliver whatever he (Potiphar Ungwall) desired by analyzing all available data.  The scientist's visitor did not believe that and issued a challenge :  "You know what I want Cupid, and I want it at home in bed waiting for me."  (Hmm.  It sounds as if Potiphar Ungwall's heart's desire may be something a little kinky.)

The following day, Potipher Ungwall barged into the laboratory in a highly incensed stated of anger.  In his bed was an ice cream cone and not the nubile young thing he was expecting.  But Cupid had analyzed things with its own idea of what love (which can come in many forms) might be and drew from the available data something that Potiphar Ungwall had told the scientist days earlier...

A brief, minor, and amusing fable from a writer known for exploring the many facets of the human heart.  And, as with all good fables, there's more here than what just appears on the surface.