SHORT STORY WEDNESDAY: LAST OF THE MORTICIANS

 "Last of the Morticians" by E. C. Tubb (first published in Galaxy Magazine, October 1959; reprint in Tubb's collections Ten from Tomorrow, 1966, and Twelve from Tomorrow, 2016)

A minor, yet entertaining, story from one of science fiction's most prolific writers and a good example of the social satire that Galaxy was publishing at the time.

Earth is now a member (albeit a somewhat primitive member) of the Galactic Civilization, which has been a boon to the planet.  One Rigellian in particular is lauded as the greatest benefactor the human race has ever known.  When Sigk Geslegk arrived on Earth, he brought with him the secret of immortality.  Now, not only were humans immortal, mental conditions such as depression had been alleviated to the point that no one committed suicide, and the ever-aware "snatch-field" saved epople from accidents by transporting them instantaneously from danger.  Humanity should be happy, and it is -- except for the last two remaining morticians.

Ephraim Fingle and Luke Earguard were competing undertakers in the town of Centre Forks (pop. 12,057) until business dried up so much that they had to join in partnership.  Even that was not working out; the last funeral they held was for Mrs. Chadwell's pet dog ("a horrible little Peke, [who] had rashly eaten rat poison instead of the boned chicken provided").  Funerals were so rare by that time that the entire town had turned out witness it.  Now, Ephraim and Luke spend their time dreaming of railroad accidents with thousands of violent deaths resulting, to no avail.  It looked like they had no choice but to quit their honored and well-loved profession and seek work in a food factory, or somehwere else.

Then Ephraim had an idea.  Funerals were for burying the dead and the funeral business was just as dead as their previous customers.  Why not hold one last funeral -- one for the profession?  Luke was afraid that burying an empty coffin would make them a laughingstock.  So why not include a body?  Pretend that one of them had died -- that somehow the immortality treatment had not worked -- and hold a funeral.  They drew straws and Ephraim became the intended corpse.

Luke publicized the heck out of the affair and it became a world-wide sensation.  Nothing was too grand for Ephraim's funeral, which was televised and even attended by a delagation of Rigelians, Vegans, and other aliens.  It was so popular that Luke got offers for fifteen more funerals -- a little girl from a rich family wanted a funeral for her doll, a man who kept his appendix in a jar decided it was time to hold a funeral for it, other requests came pouring in.  Also pourng in was Augustus Blake, a man from the government, with a long list of charges for fraud.

The end result was a very (very, very) hefty fine, rather than jail time -- although if the fine was not paid, Ephraim and Luke could look forward to the jail time.

 If you are familiar with a typical Galaxy story of the time, you can probably guess the ending.  The Galactic Civilization giveth, the Galactive Civilization taketh away, the Galactic Civilization giveth again...

Edwin Charles Tubb (1919-2010) was a young British science fiction fan who began publishing in the English SF magazines and for British paperback publishers.  He eventually wrote over 140 movels (mostly SF) and some 230 short stories and novellas.  In addition top science fiction, he penned westerns, a detective novel, a Seton Blake novel, a foreign legion novel, and a series of historical novels.  His largest contribution to the science fiction field was his series of 33 novels about Dumarest of Terra, stories evoking the planetary tales of Leigh Brackett.  He also wrote 17 space operas as "Gregory Kern" about SF adventurer Cap Kennedy, and a series of six tie-in novels for the television series Space:  1999.  

Aside from variations of his own name, Tubb  used at least well over five dozen pseudonyms, including house names:  Chuck Adams, Stuart Allan, Anthony Armstrong, Ted Bain, Alice Beecham, Anthony Blake, L. T. Bronson, Raymond L. Burton, Julian Carey (Julian Cary), Morley Carpenter, Judy Cary (Jud Cary), J. F. Clarkson, Norman Dale, L. P. Eastern, Robert D. Ennis, James Evans, James Farrow, James R. Fenner (James R. Fennier), R. H. Godfrey, Charles F. Graham, Charles Gray (Charles Grey), Volstad Gridbin, Alan Guthrie, D. W. R. Hall, George Holt, Gill Hunt, Alan Innes, E, F. Jackson, Gordon Kent, Gregory Kern, King Lang, Brett Landry, Mike Lantry, P. Lawrence, Chet Lawson, Nigel Lloyd, Robert Lloyd, Frank T. Lawns, Ron Lowman (Ron Lowam), Arthur MacLean, Carl Maddox, Phillip Martyn, John Mason, Colin May, Carl Moulton, L. C. Powers, M. L. Powers, Edward Richards, Paul Schofield, John Seabright, Brian Shaw, Roy Shelton, John Stevens, Eric Storm, Andrew Sutton, Edward Thomson, Ken Wainwright, Frank Wright, Douglas West, Eric Wilding, and Frank Winnard. 

Tubb took over the editorship of the British Authentic Science Fiction from H. J. Campbell and helmed the magazine for its last twenty issues.  Tubb was a co-founder of the British Science Fiction Association and edited the inaugurtal issue of Vector, the Association's critical journal. 

As Tubb's markets began to dry out, he stopped writing for about a decade in 1986, only to be coaxed back into the field, where he remained until his death at age 90. 

Although Tubb's work lacks the sophistication and depth of many later-day space operas, his tales remain entertainingly readable.