SUMMER BUCKET LIST

Well, Monday is Labor Day, the spirital if not the chronological end of summer, and because I am a lazy git, I am forced to revise my Summer 1912 Bucket List.

• I had planned to do a great deal of travel to many, many exotic places (Tierra del Fuego, Ulan Bator, Kuala Lumpur, the Islets of Langerhans, Washington DC, i.e.).  Now I am going to settle for traveling to the bathroom many, many times.
• I now hope to write the Great American Sentence.
• This was the summer I was going to learn to play the twelve-string guitar.  Now I'm going to try to learn to play the radio and tune it to an oldies station.
• The next new BIG computer application will not be designed by me, alas.  The time I would have spent creating it was spent slicing watermelon.  I really love watermelon.  I could use the next less-than-two days to design that application but -- dammit -- there's a sale on watermelon this weekend.
• This was the summer I was going to lose the excess weight.  I could still lose over a hundred pounds by Labor Day, but only if I misplace my wife.  Ain't gonna happen.  Instead, my diet is going to be an excess "wait."
• As some of you may know, we got an eight-year-old dog this summer.  My aim was to try to teach this old dog new tricks by the end of the summer.  The only trick-learning was on my part:  the dog taught me to leave the room whenever he passes gas.  I may still be able to teach him the trick of not passing gas, but I doubt it.  He's pretty set in his ways.
• I had also hoped to learn a new language this summer.  Well, at least my wife has learned new language from me when the dog passes gas.
• All was not a loss.  Items that never made it on my Summer 2012 Bucket List were sky diving, swimming with ravenous sharks, trying to survive a zombie apocalypse, climbing Mount Everest, riding a maddened tiger, and partying with Linsey Lohan.  I am happy to report that I did not do any of those things.

Perhaps the summer worked out pretty well, after all.  And, there's always next summer.