E-MAILS. I GET E-MAILS...

...such as this one, surreptitiously sent by my brother:


SUBJECT LINE:  A letter for you from future president NEWT GINGRICH


Dear Newt Gingrich Impersonator --

It has come to our attention that you have frequently been mistaken for Republican candidate for president Newt Gingrich (tm).  Indeed, you have proudly mentioned this in your "web log."

Regardless of your intentions, you are trampling on a valued trademark and must immediately cease and desist all likeness to the former Speaker of the House.  [Your attempt to mimic that role with your obviously invented surname will be the subject of another memo.]

We believe that many (Thousands?  Millions?) women are thrusting themselves on you in an attempt to be wife #4 and First Lady.  This must stop!  The candidate is getting cranky and, in the true GOP spirit, is unwilling to share.

We also have evidence of campaign donations to line the pockets^W^W^W support the candidacy of Mr. Gingrich (tm) being diverted to you.  You must immediately return all donations, bribes, kickbacks and donuts to the campaign.

Yours,

-- The Campaign for Truth, Honesty and Civil Discourse (tm)

p.s.  We have heard rumors of people who misguidedly dislike Mr. Gingrich (tm), unbelievable as that soumds.  Knowing that you do not have Secret Service protection, we recommend that for personal safety you lay low for a while; at least until this campaign implodes.  And no, your family menagerie will not be able to protect you.

-- CTHCD